


We Dance With The Devil

by ShootingStar13



Category: Captain America (Movies), Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Matt Murdock, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Catholic Guilt, Daredevil (TV) Spoilers, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, Gay Bucky Barnes, Guilt, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, M/M, Medium Burn, Meet-Ugly, Multi, No Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Past Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios, Secret Identity, Slow To Update, The Defenders (Marvel TV) Spoilers, Top Matt Murdock, WIP, eventually, i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2019-06-24 06:57:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 37,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShootingStar13/pseuds/ShootingStar13
Summary: After Project Insight and after spending two years on the run, Bucky decides it's time to turn himself in. He spends the next two years recovering from his torment from Hydra, going to therapy, and living in the Avengers Tower; making new friends and rekindling old friendships as well.But recovery isn't linear; and during those sleepless and nightmarish nights, Bucky likes taking midnight strolls through the city. One night, he finds himself in Hell’s Kitchen where he overhears someone getting beaten up in a dark alley. Though Bucky is hesitant to butt-in on the fight, it takes hearing a gun being fired to cause him to quickly rush to the aid of the self-proclaimed Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.After that night, Bucky and Daredevil begin a friendship that later turns into mutual pining for each other which then turns into a relationship. However, despite getting to know one another, neither of them actually knows of the other’s identity.Bucky doesn’t know that Daredevil is Matthew Murdock, a blind lawyer, and Matt doesn’t know that James is Bucky Barnes, a former Hydra prisoner and the Winter Solider.





	1. The Last Night

The thing with having severe PTSD and depression stacked together like a plate of still-soggy-in-the-middle-but-burnt pancakes, is that it leads to a lot of sleeping problems. Because of this, Bucky can either sleep in really late for six days straight or stay awake for over 70 hours and then pass out for the next 18 hours like it's nothing.

But tonight, Bucky is wide awake at 2 AM on a freaking Sunday night—morning?—and is still strolling the dark streets of Hell’s Kitchen with little to no care in the world. How he even ended up here is beyond him. Earlier, back when he was still at the Tower, he had just put in his headphones and went to his ‘depression playlist’ (as Clint likes to call it) and started walking in any direction his legs pulled him in.

The Avenger's Tower is in Manhattan, and Hell’s Kitchen is about a two-mile walk from there, so it isn’t like he’s that far from home. Though, no one with a right sense of mind would ever think of walking two miles in the middle of the goddamn night only to end up in the middle of the crime capital of New York. Well, except for Bucky Barnes, who’s mind is so messed up that those little details don't really matter much anymore.

Bucky sighs and reaches into his pocket to skip one of the songs on his Spotify playlist. He’s feeling down but not down enough for this song—Missing by Evanescence—in particular. His thumb ghosts the skip button and from the right side of his ear he can hear some people going at it in the alley in between the two buildings he’s passing by.

Bucky listens in, and there is the evident sound of fighting coming from the alley. Punching, kicking, the sound of someone's bone and flesh hitting against someone else's bone and flesh can be heard from the darkness of the alley. Grunting follows the more violent sounds, and Bucky figures that whoever is getting their ass kicked either deserves it or is being mugged. But, he doesn’t care enough to investigate, he’d rather stay out of it really.

That is, until he hears a gunshot ringing off the walls in the alley and hitting his ear like an alarm reminding him of every bad thing he’s ever done in his life.

Except, his therapists say he’s done nothing wrong and he wishes that he were at a point in his life to believe them.

Bucky pulls his headphones out of his ears and carefully slips into the alley, hiding in the shadows just like he’d done as the Soldier so many times before. But by the time Bucky gets to the scene, the goons with the gun are already running in the opposite direction. They’re jumping over the fence placed in the middle of the alley to separate it from the other buildings on the other side.

Bucky wonders for a second if the person who was shot is dead as he watches the goons get away.

Thankfully, there is a groaning sound coming from the person who was shot, and Bucky quickly moves away from the shadows to help the person lying on the ground.

The person is wearing some sort of costume.

They are dressed in red spandex, it looks tight against his skin. His whole body is covered in a red and black trim costume. His face is even covered by a mask, with tiny red devil horns sticking up from above his forehead, and his eyes are completely covered by the mask. The only thing visible is the underside of his nose, his mouth, and his chin.

The guy has a decent amount of dark stubble on his chin and cheeks and Bucky assumes from the trimmed facial hair that the guy is male.

“Oh shit.” Bucky curses as he kneels beside the man withering in pain. Bucky knows who this red costumed man is. He’s seen him in the news and sometimes in the morning paper. He’s the vigilante that Steve, Nat, and Sam have issues with. He’s the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. He's Daredevil.

“Don’t call the cops.” Daredevil hisses through clenched teeth. “And don’t call an ambulance.” He adds as he tries to keep his voice steady but fails to do so.

“That’s a dumbass thing to say and you know it.” Bucky tells him. “I’m calling 911 so you don’t die in a shit smelling alley in this god forsaken city.” Bucky pulls out his phone from his pocket to dial 911, but Daredevil’s hand quickly snatches the phone from him and he simultaneously crushes it in his grip. He finishes his assault on Bucky's phone by throwing the shattered device into a puddle in the middle of the alley.

Bucky would punch the guy if he isn’t already in so much pain.

“I’m sorry, but I have an identity to keep secret.” Daredevil hisses at him.

“You’re going to bleed out a die.” Bucky tells him as he stands up. He has every right to just leave Daredevil here to bleed to death, but his guilt as the Soldier is telling him to save his life. This simple action could begin to make up for all the wrongs he’s caused.

“I’ve had worse.” Daredevil chuckles but coughs as he does. He’s definitely not getting any better.

“You sound just like my best friend.” Bucky says shaking his head. Steve would probably learn to accept and even befriend this vigilante if he learns that the stubborn bastard is just like him.

“I hope that’s a good thing.” Daredevil mutters and then gasps as the pain begins to worsen.

“It’s an awful thing.” Bucky tells him. “He’s a little shit, but I love him, so I guess by association that means I have to at least like you enough to help you…” Bucky tells him. “Even after you destroyed my phone.” He adds and from the pause it seems like Daredevil is about to protest but instead Bucky just carefully lifts the guy into his arms, bridal style.

“You know…” Daredevil mutters, voice picking up in amusement. “I’m the hero here, so I’d figure it’d be me carrying you like a damsel in distress and not the other way around.” He snickers and then coughs again as Bucky starts walking with the man in his arms.

“Do you always flirt with the people who save your sorry ass or just when you’re delusional from pain?” Bucky asks him in slight annoyance, the guy has real nerve to be flirting with him right now.

“It’s not flirting.” Daredevil tells him, and Bucky rolls his eyes. He figures he should ask the guy where a safe place is to take him before he passes out from the pain.

"Where am I taking you?" Bucky asks.

"I'll give you directions." Is all he says. Bucky wants to argue, to tell the guy bleeding in his arms to just give him a fucking address. But he sighs and lets it go figuring that arguing with the guy will be like bringing a knife to a gun fight. 

The Devil can barely tell him the directions to a small office building that Bucky can take him to take refuge in but thankfully they get there without any more issues. Bucky just assumes that the building he's taking Daredevil to, the owners know him or owe him a favor. Either way, Bucky hopes they aren't breaking into the building they're headed to. 

They end up in an office for a small law firm, Nelson and Murdock, and apparently, the vigilante, Daredevil, and his vigilante team, the Defenders, are to be represented by Nelson and Murdock, if they are ever caught. As in, their secret identities are found out.

Bucky sets the bleeding man on top of the desk in the Murdock guy’s office. According to Daredevil, Murdock keeps a first aid kit in the drawer of his desk.

“I do hope the Nelson and Murdock guys aren't going to hate you for staining their pretty white tiles with blood.” Bucky says as he opens the first aid kit.

The first aid kit is huge; it's full of supplies a first aid kit doesn’t usually have but has just enough useful items for Bucky to use in order to help the man out with his injuries.

“I appreciate you bringing me here…” Daredevil just says in response, with no acknowledge to Bucky’s comment.

“Yeah, well I didn’t have to, since you broke my fucking phone.” Bucky reminds him. “I also don’t have to stitch you up either, but here we are.” He says, and Daredevil gives him a confused look.

“You don’t have to do that.” He states. “I can do it myself.”

“Nope, screw that, I’m helping.” Bucky states.

“You should go home and sleep, it’s late.” Daredevil pushes.

“Sleep is for the weak.” Bucky replies. “If you need to scream go ahead.” Bucky tells him and begins addressing his wounds.

Bucky carefully removes the patch of costume covering Daredevil's injuries to reach the bullet wound on the side of Daredevil’s body. Thankfully, the bullet went all the way through and didn’t hit any important organs at all. The guy should be called Devil’s Luck or something because he could have been much more seriously hurt.

He is still hurting bad though. He notices Devil clenching his jaw and gripping the desk he is sitting on until his knuckles start turning white under his gloves. He is also gasping in pain and flinching whenever Bucky cleans the wound with disinfectant. He is even more vocal as Bucky starts threading the needle through his skin to close the hole the bullet left behind in his side. But Bucky just figures it's better than him not being vocal. Vocal means alert and alive. Non-vocal means unconscious and near death.

Once Bucky is finished with patching up Daredevil’s injuries, he trashes all the blood-soaked cotton swabs and gauze and then packs everything still useful and unused back into the first aid kit. He then puts the first aid kit back into the drawer where he found it earlier and then he hands Devil a cup of water and four extra strength pain killers.

“Thank you.” Devil says and takes the water and pills. He downs them all in one go and sighs after he finishes the cup of water.

“You’re welcome.” Bucky tells him.

“It’s getting late.” Devil states and Bucky nods.

"You gonna just crash here?” Bucky asks.

“No…I’ll be walking home.” Devil says with a shrug.

“You’ll pass out before you get there.” Bucky warns. “I’ll take you home.” He decides. “And I promise I won’t tell a soul if the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen turns out to live in a dump, a mansion, or even a sex dungeon.” He laughs at the last one because of course the guy might be into some kinky shit. Just by the way he’s dressed and holds himself; it’s obvious he has some really kinky skeletons in the closet.

"I’ll just crash here then…I don’t need a civilian seeing my kinky sex dungeon.” Devil jokes, smiling with cracked and dry lips. The guy really needs to hydrate more often.

“Well depending on what you’re into, I doubt it’ll phase me.” Bucky jokes back.

“Do you always flirt with your patients?” Devil asks him, leaning back on the desk.

“You’d be my first.” Bucky chuckles. “Need help stealing a seat in the lawyer guy’s nice leather chair?” Bucky asks him, figuring he's not taking the guy home and instead is leaving him here to heal up until morning.

“Please.” He breathes, and Bucky lifts Daredevil into his arms once more and walks around the desk to place him in the office chair. Daredevil sighs as he sinks into the chair, probably pretty pleased to take a load off.

“So, why exactly were you fighting those guys in the alley anyway?” Bucky asks, honestly curious as to what was happening before Devil got shot. He wonders if he really is a hero and not some dumbass with anger issues and a death wish taking those things out on some poor unsuspecting criminals.

But Daredevil looks up at Bucky and sighs before he speaks.

“They were some goons helping some mob boss run a human trafficking operation.” Daredevil explains. “I wasn’t expecting to meet them tonight, I had planned to go after them tomorrow, I needed more time to get more information from them… but then things went downhill and then you showed up.”

Bucky notices Devil's small smile flash at him at the end of his sentence. The poor guy's still delusional. 

“I hope you can catch those guys then.” Bucky says, feeling his chest constrict. His therapists often tell him that his situation with Hydra is an equivalent to that of human trafficking, and so topics like that always do make him a little upset. He feels for those victims, he can relate to them.

“Yeah…” Devil sighs bringing Bucky's attention back to him. “I’m also sorry about your phone…” He adds. “I can send you a new one, paid in full, I just need your address.”

“Don’t got much of a home for you to send it to.” Bucky tells him, not about to give away his own identity. It had taken all of Stark’s power to keep his trial out of the media for him to just tell strangers who he is.

“Guess I’ll just have to find you then.” Daredevil says.

“Guess you do.” Bucky replies.

He takes a moment and glances at the clock on the wall, it is almost 4 AM, he needs to leave soon so he doesn’t worry Steve when he wakes up to check on him before his morning run.

“You better stay safe, don’t want our next meeting being me pulling a knife out of your chest.” Bucky warns.

“I can’t make any promises.” Daredevil smirks and Bucky rolls his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. No human should be this much of a disaster, and yet Daredevil exists.

Bucky bids Daredevil goodbye and leaves the building feeling something light and warm growing in his chest. He can’t exactly pinpoint what it is, but he kind of likes it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who has two thumbs, a working computer, and is forever trapped in rare pair hell?  
> This girl! 
> 
> Uh...I honestly don't know what to say. Thanks for reading? Thanks for putting yourself in rare pair hell with me when it was only curiosity that made you read this. I hope y'all enjoyed my winterdevil fic. There's much more to come.


	2. Daylight

Matt is still half asleep when Foggy and Karen enter the office for work in the morning. It takes him a moment to struggle to his feet, so he can greet them and then apologize for getting the floors dirty.

After his mysterious savior left last night, Matt ended up passing out in his chair, still dressed in his costume, and mostly likely still bleeding through his bandages since he woke up with them soaked.

But as he gets up from his chair, his mind wanders back to last night.

When Matt met his mysterious savior, he could sense immediately that he had a metal prosthetic arm. It was an expensive prosthetic too since it smelled like Stark-made metal and not like the usual cheaper prosthetic metal he was accustomed to. Matt also noticed that the guy’s prosthetic arm was the left arm to be exact and it went from his shoulder down. His left hand was too made of the hard-cold metal that Matt typically strayed away from. But for whatever reason, this arm felt as real as any flesh arm on any human being.

Matt had also observed that his mysterious savior was a taller guy, about 5’9. He was also built heavy, more muscular than fat. His arms, chest, and abs being the bulk of his muscles, the rest of his heavy build rested in his hips and thighs. He was a thicker man, Matt felt it as he laid in his arms and was carried to the office. But despite being built so hard and heavy, he felt soft and warm.

But the real mystery was what Matt sensed in his emotions.

His heart; beat like he was constantly in danger. His scent; was a mix of fear and sorrow, like he would break down crying at any given moment. Rage didn’t seem to exist in his emotions though. But happiness laid dormant and his voice cracked a lot, so he sounded like he was always in pain. It hurt Matt to have to sense all that sadness from one man, especially one so kind and caring.

Matt pauses as he gets up and finds himself wanting to meet the stranger again. He wants to apologize for involving him in his vigilantism and for breaking his phone first though. He’ll buy a replacement phone for him eventually, he’ll need to go back to the alley though, to figure out what phone he was using before to really replace it. He can do that pretty easily, but later. But right now, he needs to get ready for work.

 

“Matthew Michael Murdock.” Foggy’s usually sweet voice is laced with worry as he walks into Matt’s part of the office.

“Yes?” Matt asks, looking in his direction and removing his mask. No one else but him and Karen are present in the firm, so it’s safe for him to remove the mask.

“You got hurt again last night?” Foggy asks, it’s more like an accusation than it is a question though. So, Matt only nods at him in affirmation. He can’t keep secrets from him anymore.

"How bad is it?” Karen asks him, her gentle voice dripping with concern.

“It’s just a minor gunshot wound.” He tells them. “I’m all fixed up though.” He assures, though he can sense that they’re not too certain about that.

“A minor gunshot wound?” Foggy asks. “There’s blood all over the title, we have a client coming in in an hour.”

“I know, I know, I’ll clean it up, promise.”

“But you’re sure you’re okay?” Karen asks.

“Yes, got patched up and slept most of the pain off last night, I feel great, really.” He assures them again.

Thankfully, their concern seems to ease upon him showing them the bandages wrapped around his injury. Sure they need to be changed, but that’s no problem. Matt can sense that Foggy and Karen are smiling in relief and Matt smiles back at them.

“We’re just glad you’re okay.” Foggy says, patting his shoulder gently. “Cause you know we worry.”

“Of course I do.” Matt says and then he excuses himself to the bathroom to change into a spare pair of his work clothes he fished from his desk drawers. They have a client coming in soon and he needs to be work ready for both his business partners and the client.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter continuing from where chapter 1 left off but from Matt's POV instead. So yeah, it's in the tags but the POV will be alternating between Bucky and Matt. 
> 
> Also I'm really happy people are liking this so far! Most of it is already written, it just takes time to re-edit and upload but expect daily updates for a little while longer.


	3. When the Dark Falls

Bucky finds himself thinking about the Devil a lot since they night he met him.

At night, he worries about Devil's safety and hopes he’s not getting shot again. During the day, he wonders what Devil does when he's not being Daredevil. Is he a cop? A veteran? A school teacher? He can't stop the wondering. 

 

A couple of days pass since their first meeting, and Bucky’s sleep is interrupted yet again by another nightmare.

He dreams of Hydra finding him and taking him again. They torture him again, make him a killer again, and Pierce gets another chance to get his disgusting hands on him again.

Bucky wakes up in a cold sweat from the nightmare and feels way too much adrenaline flooding in his veins. He lets out a silent cry and sobs into his hands to keep the noise level low. He then spends the next half hour staring up at the dark ceiling of his room, just trying to get his breathing under control. 

When he finally feels like he can properly get oxygen in his lungs again, he pushes the covers off his body and stalks into the bathroom to pee. After that, he goes to change from his sweats into something a little nicer; skinny jeans, black combat boots, a grey t-shirt, and black hoodie. He figures he might as well do something other than wallow in bed until morning. 

So, to ease the adrenaline and fear coursing through him, Bucky decides to take another late-night walk. This time though, it is only 11:40 PM and not 2 AM like it was the last time.

 

Bucky hasn’t told anyone about his phone breaking this week, he doesn't really need to since he spends all his time in the Tower anyway. No one really has any need to text or call him during the day seeing how JARVIS could just relay the messages for him. But Bucky knows that he has to get a new phone soon, seeing how he does need one in this day in age. And hell, he does miss having his music available whenever he's on the go.

Bucky informs JARVIS that he's going for another late night walk before he leaves the Tower and the AI wishes him safe travels.

As he begins his walk, his mind wanders. 

 

Bucky got a lot of back-pay from the government after his private trial so he can afford to buy himself another cell phone, no problem. He is the world’s oldest living POW after all. Thankfully, his trial was fairly easy, and it wasn’t just because he had Stark lawyers on his side. Apparently, his story struck a deep enough cord in the hearts of most Americans, given he was a war hero, and the jury voted he was not guilty unanimously and within five minutes of the judge dismissing them to vote. Though the occasional asshole online, on paper, or in the streets did think otherwise. 

With all that back-pay though, Bucky pays Stark rent, the only Avenger to pay him rent, and he buys himself whatever he needs to survive the new century, which could include a new phone once he gets around to it. He also donates a lot of the money to charities. He usually donates to relief funds from Hydra damages; both emotional and physical, as well as charities helping human trafficking victims, child abuse victims, and charities dealing with veterans and other POWS.

 

Bucky sighs when he finds himself in Hell’s Kitchen again later that night. He wonders if he'll run into Devil again. He quickly shakes those thoughts from his head.

Even though he keeps thinking about the Devil, he wishes he didn’t. He doesn’t want to be dragged into all that drama of vigilantism and secret identities. It doesn't help that the Avengers are not fans of the Defenders. He shouldn't want to meet up with the guy again, he should be running in the opposite direction of Hell's Kitchen, not towards it. 

Bucky just shakes his head and continues his walk, trying hard not to think about Daredevil. But he does decide to just keep wandering through Hell’s Kitchen though, careful to make sure no one recognizes him as the Winter Soldier.

He keeps hands safety inside his pockets of his hoodie and keeps his hood is down, hanging over his eyes, covering his face, and blacking out some of his vision. No one will recognize him if he hides his metal arm anyway, so it doesn’t matter whether the hood is up or down. He just prefers it down and hiding his face, especially after a nightmare where he wakes up sweating and crying.

 

A breeze infiltrates the black cotton of his hoodie and nips the back of his neck causing him to shiver. The autumn season is fast approaching this year. The heat of the summer isn’t just gradually settling like it usually does. It went from 80 degrees to 60 practically overnight.

Bucky continues walking, despite the cold, and can feel himself being followed. He can tell by the fast approaching foot steps behind him and the feeling of someone coming up to him in his peripheral vision.

Bucky feels his heart speed up as he picks up the pace of his walk. He prays to god it’s just some dumb kids trying to mug him and not someone who actually poses a threat to him. Someone like Hydra. Bucky couldn’t handle another 70 years with them. He’d rather be dead than go through that torture again.  

 

Bucky quickly slips into an alley and begins heading down the dark strip of pavement with his senses on high alert, looking out for any danger. He hears movement coming from above and knows he needs to run so he can get the hell out of here and fast. But instead, whoever is stalking him, jumps down from the building’s balcony and lands hard on their feet, right in front of him.

 

“You fucker!” Bucky shouts, jumping back in shock, and landing flat on his ass in the middle of the alley.

The person standing in front of him is none other than Daredevil himself. The bastard is panting and is extending his hand out to Bucky to help him up from the ground.

Bucky wonders if he should even bother letting Devil help him up, but ends up taking his hand anyway, since the guy is extending his left hand towards him. 

“I’m sorry I startled you.” Devil says as he helps Bucky off the cold and hard floor.

Bucky notices that Devil's voice is unnaturally deep, like he is masking not only his face but his vocal tone too. Bucky hadn’t picked up on this earlier though, with him being in so much pain when they had first met.

“Yeah, you better be.” Bucky huffs as he steadies himself and dusts off the back of his pants. “I thought you were the hero here, not some dumbass guy in a Halloween costume trying to jump scare poor old guys.”

“That wasn’t my intention.” Devil just shrugs. “I just wanted to stop you to thank you for helping me.” He says, a tiny smile forming on his lips.

“You already did that last week.” Bucky replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I also wanted to give you this.” Devil says and hands Bucky a mid-sized box. It’s wrapped in light red wrapping paper and decorated with a black bow and string.

“This better not be a bomb.” Bucky mutters and hears Daredevil laugh and assure him it’s not a bomb.

 Bucky tears gently at the wrapping paper, so it’s still salvageable, so Bucky could still use it for something else later. Sam had suggested last month that he should get into scrap-booking.

After carefully removing the wrapping paper and then carefully folding it against the already formed creases, he pockets the wrapping paper and then the bow and string into his hoodie pocket and notices that the box he just unwrapped has an image of a cell phone on it.

“It’s the same phone but upgraded to the newest version.” Devil tells him,

Bucky blinks at that. How could he know what cell phone he had when he broke it? And why would he waste his money to buy him an expensive upgrade?

“I went back to see what type of phone you had.” Devil tells him.

“Thanks...” Bucky mutters.

He pops open the Velcro on the box that keeps it closed and then takes a look at his phone. It really is the newest model of his old phone, the recent one that just came out. This phone is 700 dollars plus taxes and fees!

“The case is under the plastic, so is the instruction manual and a new pair of headphones as well.” Devil tells him.

Bucky's eyes widen. Daredevil really went all out with buying him a new phone. 

A bout of guilt begins to form in his gut and he shakes his head.

“I can’t accept this…it’s too much.” Bucky mutters uncertainly. He steps closer and gently pushes the box towards Daredevil. Daredevil just pushes it back towards him.

Bucky can feel the red leather gloves brush against his fingers as Devil gives Bucky back the box the phone is in. They’re soft and expensive leather too. 

“Please, take it.” Daredevil says, taking Bucky out of his head. “I feel bad for ruining your old phone when you tried to help me.” He sighs. “And even after ruining it you still ended up helping me.” He recalls. “I just hope you like it.” He smiles a bit and Bucky feels a smile tug at his own lips.

“Th—thank you.” Bucky says. “I uh…thanks really, it’s great… you shouldn’t have had to go out your way to get me a new phone.” Bucky tells him.

“Again, it’s what I owe to you.” Daredevil assures. “I—I already programmed it for you.” He adds and then clears his throat before continuing. “I—I put my number in there in case you ever need any help.” He tells him.

Bucky blinks.

He has the Avengers to help him, and he’s more than capable of fighting his own battles, but he still appreciates Devil’s gesture.

“Is it your number or your secret identity’s number?” Bucky asks him in a teasing voice as he takes the box back from Daredevil. 

“It’s a bit of both.” Devil answers. “Both numbers are programmed to one phone.” He explains.

Technology really is something.

“What…” Devil pauses, and Bucky tilts his head in confusion. “What’s your name, so I can program it into my phone?” Devil asks him.

“It’s James.” Bucky tells him.

It’s not a lie. It is his name after all, and most people living in the Tower do call him James anyway. Steve, Sam, and Clint are really the only ones who ever call him Bucky anymore. He doesn’t really mind it though.

However, Bucky Barnes is dead. The Winter Soldier is too. He is just a hollowed-out shell of the two people he used to be, trying to find out who he is now, so the names don’t really matter anyway.

“Thank you, James.” Devil smiles at him.  

“I assume your name is under Daredevil?” Bucky asks him, chucking a bit.

“I put my number under the contact named Red.” He shrugs. “My friends call me it a lot when I’m in costume.”

“Do a lot of your friends know your identity?” Bucky asks him, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Some people just know me." Devil begins. "Some people know both of me. My enemies and the people who I save are the ones who only know Daredevil.” He explains. “You’re sort of a mystery though, since you saved me and you’re not my enemy.”

“So, your alter ego gets lonely? Needs some new friends?” Bucky jokes. It's almost ridiculous, how this vigilante is just trusting him, a stranger, with his contact information. But Bucky's just a crazy as Daredevil he supposes, since he too is trusting this vigilante with his own contact information.

“You could say that.” Devil tells him.

“I’d be happy to oblige.” Bucky replies. “My sleeping habits are shit anyway.” Daredevil grins at this and lets out a low chuckle before speaking again.

“The city’s actually quiet tonight.” Devil muses.

Bucky nods in agreement. He too noticed how quiet the city was when he crossed into Hell's Kitchen earlier. 

“Do you trust me?” Devil then asks, giving Bucky a playful look and holding out his hand towards him.

Almost every part of Bucky screams not to. His head is yelling at him to not trust the crazy religious guy in red spandex who punches people at night for fun,

But something else tells him to trust the guy; assuring Bucky that Devil is not as crazy as he seems. 

“Yes.” Bucky says, securely stuffing the box with his new phone in it, inside his pocket.

Hoodie pockets are a godsend.

“Follow me then.” Daredevil says, taking his hand, and then leads him over towards the ladder on the side of the building.

Hanging out on the roof of a building doesn’t seem like a pretty good idea in hindsight. But Bucky’s usually strict judgment calls are incredibly hindered tonight though. He can honestly care less how dangerous or possibly illegal all this is and instead, follows Daredevil in a strange sport of roof climbing and jumping so they can reach their desired destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself and updated again. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Also, in case you're wondering, yes I did steal that "do you trust me" line from Aladdin.


	4. Strangers in the Night

Matt’s feeling a little out of breath when he stops himself and James on the roof of the building he’s picked out for them to hang out at. He’s surprised that James is able to keep up with him and is even more surprised that James doesn’t seem to be too tired after roof jumping over a couple dozen buildings with him.

Matt’s picked out the roof of the building that he usually likes to be on when he listens to the noises going on in the city at night. It’s the city’s most center building so he can hear and sense everything that’s going on in Hell’s Kitchen when he’s up here.

And now he’s brought James here with him.

Matt wasn’t lying when he told James earlier that it was a quiet night tonight. After he had put an end to the human trafficking organization last week, it would be a little while until another villainous organization could form or regroup and start up crime again. But, some were starting to learn now, that they shouldn’t mess with the city or face the consequences.

 

Matt sits himself on the ledge of the building, letting one leg dangle of the side and bending the other to rest his elbow on that same knee. He glances back at James, who appears to be taking everything in.

 “I hope you enjoy the view.” Matt says.

James nods and inhales a deep breath, walking closer to the ledge with him. He lets out the breath slowly and smiles Matt’s way. Matt finds himself growing fond to the fiery image of James’ smile. It’s a lovely and warm glow, something he’s not entirely used to in his world of fire.

“It’s nice.” James says sitting himself down on one of the kicked over emergency water supply barrels. He’s close to Matt but away from the ledge of the building. The barrels are supposed to be used in case of a natural disaster and the water pipes burst, but using them as a chair works too.

“You can see the whole city from up here.” James adds.

“You can hear a good lot too.” Matt tells him.

“Oh?” James ask, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back as much as he’s allowed.

“Well,” Matt mutters, trying to pin-point a sound that James could possibly hear with him. “You can hear the baby crying two floors down from us.”

“Someone’s not a happy camper.” James chuckles lightly. Matt can sense his slight concern for the infant crying downstairs.

“No, he’s not.” Matt says.

Matt figures that James ignores his gender-specific pronoun use as just a general use. But really, Matt can sense that the baby crying is indeed male. He’s running a fever and he is seven months and two weeks old. But if he tells James all of that information, that would be giving away too much.

“You can also hear a car alarm a block away from here.” Matt says, trying to keep the conversation going.

“Hope no one’s getting their car stolen?”

“No, a window-sill air conditioning unit fell from the third floor when the elderly woman living in that apartment tried uninstalling it herself instead of waiting for her son to do it.” He shrugs.

“That’s oddly specific.” James says with a chuckle.

“It’s just a guess.” Matt tries, shamelessly.

“What else can you hear?” James asks him, inching closer.

“Lots of things, really.” Matt says. “It would take me a long time to list everything.”

James nods, leaning back again and stuffing his hands into his pocket. Matt can hear the whirring sound coming from the metal of James’ left wrist.

“Before—before I started this.” Matt says motioning to his costume. “I used to just come up here to think. I’d immerse myself in the isolation, the loud noise, and the bright lights.” He tells James, unsure exactly as to why he is telling James all of this anyway.

They’re still practically strangers, but he feels that he can trust James with this information. He knows better than to go and tell him his identity and every little detail about himself. But vague information won’t be a huge risk. The bigger risk would be James knowing everything that Foggy and Karen know.

His friends are the ones at risk for knowing who he is with and without the mask. His friends and the other friends of the Defenders are more in danger than James is.

Matt feels comfortable with James to share the little things. He can sense that James isn’t a danger to himself or his friends. He can trust him.

“I’m not too fond of those things; bright lights, loud noise, isolation…” James says quietly. “And despite crowds giving me major anxiety, I do find them comforting in the fact that I can hide in them easier than I can without them.” James tells him. His scent spikes with sadness, his voice lowers, and his overall positive energy drops slightly.

“Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing.” Matt tells him, trying to elevate James’ mood.

“I guess so.” James says. Matt just smiles at him reassuringly.

Matt watches as James gets up from the emergency water barrel he’s sitting on, and wonders what’s specifically on James’ mind. He can tell the man is keeping secrets from him, but isn’t being entirely secretive either.

James steps closer to him and pats his leg with the back of his hand. Matt chuckles and moves the leg rest on the building’s ledge to make room from James to sit beside him.

James carefully sits next to him, shifting his legs so that they too are dangling over the edge of the building, and Matt smiles and stares up at the night sky overhead.

“Heights aren’t exactly my favorite thing in the world.” James says, glancing down at the street below them.

“I’ll jump after you if you fall.” Matt says with a shrug.

He can feel James freeze suddenly, his breath caught in throat and his heart hammering in his chest.

Matt carefully extends his arm, slow enough to not startle James, and gently cuffs his gloved fingers around James’ wrist.

“I’ve got you, trust me.” Matt assures.

James heaves a heavy sigh, swallows down an emotion Matt knows is fear, and smiles gently Matt’s way.

“Thank you.” James said. “And I’ve got you too, though with how bad you scared me earlier, dropping down from the sky, I figure that falling is kinda your style.”

“A friend of mine called me a cat once.” Matt chuckles.

“Now that, I can see, Cat-Man, defender of Hell’s Kitchen.”

They both laugh and Matt can’t stop the grin from forming on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! This one had a lot of editing done to it lol.


	5. Enchanted

As the night turns into morning; the sky transforms from a dark indigo color decorated with beautiful white diamond stars into a sky painted an array of beautiful colors; pale blue, dark pink, and bright amber. It’s breath-taking watching the sun take it's time to slowly inch its way up into the morning sky. The sight is even more beautiful from the height they’re at. They can see the whole sky illuminated with morning sunshine and full of crisp beginning-of-autumn air.

Bucky thinks it’s quite possibly the most beautiful sunrise that he’s ever seen. And it appears Daredevil thinks the same the way he’s sitting, basking in the warm sunlight cascading down upon them.

Bucky and Devil had talked a lot last night and when they ran out of things to talk about for a moment, they allowed the silence to settle between them. It was a comfortable silence between them, not awkward at all.

 Bucky finds that he really enjoyed Devil's company last night. He’s kind of hoping to do this again sometime. He really hopes that Devil wants to hang out some more as well. Bucky finds the guy interesting. He’s intelligent so he has a lot of things to say and he’s considerate so he allows Bucky a turn to talk. Devil is also very easy to be around, he doesn’t demand any social energy from Bucky, which is a first in his book.

 

Steve demands the most social energy from him, five minutes with Steve drains Bucky’s ‘social battery’ by at least half. Tony, Natasha, and Clint are also very demanding when it comes to Bucky’s ‘social battery.’ Each of them drain about a third of his energy or more, depending on the activities. Thor, Sam, and Bruce are the least demanding, usually about a quarter of his energy.

But thus far, Devil isn’t a battery drainer, which is great. Bucky can accept that he can hang out with Daredevil without feeling exhausted afterwards. Well, he’s tired from staying awake for so long, but he’s not emotionally tired when he’s around him.

 

"It's getting late..." Devil says, taking Bucky out his head.

"Don't you mean it's getting early?" Bucky asks, flashing a smirk at Devil, who laughs under his breath and shakes his head. "I mean, we've reached the point of no return here, it's like what, 6 AM already?”

"I don't know, why don't you check your phone?" Devil smirks back. Bucky huffs and nudges Devil in the shoulder with his own. 

"Don't be a smart ass." He tells him.

"I was only pointing out the obvious, like you had earlier." Daredevil says and Bucky swears that he could see under the mask, he would see that the guy winked at him.

Bucky snorts unattractively and shakes his head. He takes his hands out of his hoodie pocket and uses his right hand to clap it on Devil’s shoulder. The guy’s a smart ass for sure, but he is also incredibly hilarious.

"I do have to get going though." Devil tells him with a frown. "Gotta do my day job." He says, his lips perking up again. 

"Have fun with that." Bucky tells him, wondering exactly what Devil’s day job is.

Could he be a boxing instructor? A high school principal? Maybe even a prison warden? Bucky’s curiosity gets the better of him and his mind wanders. He can tell from the stubble on his face that his hair is dark, so the guy’s got brown hair, facial hair, and likes to beat up criminals in his spare time, which is usually at night. So he’s got very flexible hours.

Bucky realizes that Devil’s staring at him and he coughs, interrupting his thoughts on Daredevil’s non-hero identity.

"I should probably head back too..." Bucky says, running his hand through his hair.

He knows that he should be getting back to the Tower soon. He told JARVIS he was going on a walk, but that was hours ago, and he's certain that Steve will be worried until he makes it home safe and sound. And if he's not home before noon? Well then Steve will probably send himself and the Avengers on a little search and rescue mission.

Bucky’s the first to stand up from his seat on the ledge of the roof and he’s extra cautious to not lose his footing and fall over. He knows Devil's got his back if that's the case, but he'd rather not be the reason the Devil of Hell's Kitchen is turned into a street pancake. 

Daredevil gets up after him, far more light and graceful than Bucky had. He’s not starring at his feet and shuffling awkwardly like Bucky had. Instead, he jumps onto his feet on the ledge and then jumps down onto the roof next to Bucky.

Bucky doesn't know if he should shake Daredevil's hand or hug him before saying goodbye and leaving the guy on the roof. So he just awkwardly stands in front of him instead. He’s got one of his hands in his jeans pocket and the other rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Guess I'll see you around?"

"Maybe..." Devil says with a tiny frown.

Bucky wonders what that’s about. Is Daredevil about to say they can’t be friends or something? Cause that would be really dumb thing to say at this point.

 "It'd be easier for me to find you if you contacted me so we can hang out sometime again." Daredevil says instead, relieving the tension in Bucky’s body.

"I mean, I'm still a bit curious as to how you found me earlier but I guess texting you will be easier for you, huh?" He says, trying to keep the conversation light.

"Yeah." Devil says with a small chuckle. "Text me whenever." Devil tells him and waves goodbye as he begins walking towards the ladder on the side of building so he can get off the roof and leave to wherever it is he’s leaving to.

Bucky watches Daredevil until he's gone and then he starts heading in his direction home. He scales the other side of the building with ease, jumping down and landing himself in the middle of an alley.

Bucky smiles as he takes out his new phone to get GPS directions back to the tower. 

 

Bucky finds himself almost afraid to text Daredevil the day after they spent the whole night on the roof. He is also too scared to do it the day after, and the day after that.

Four days pass and Bucky knows he should just suck it up and text Daredevil so they can meet up again. He wants to meet up again but he doesn’t know what stopping him from texting the guy.  

Maybe it’s because, since that night, he hasn't had any urges to stay up late nor has he woken up in the middle of the night from nightmares. He's had relatively good sleep since then but he knows it's only a matter of time before his sleep schedule fucks up again so he knows that there’s nothing holding him back consciously. Though maybe it’s his sub-conscious telling him to be more wary of the stranger in red spandex he’s met twice and only ever at night.

Bucky also knows that not texting Daredevil isn’t a bad thing. He knows the guy's busy saving the city and he has a normal life to live outside of the costume. Daredevil also did say to use the number for emergencies. But he also didn't say it was exclusively for emergencies.

He did tell Bucky to text him whenever and Bucky wants to text him. But he doesn't know what to say exactly.

He could, and really should, just shoot the guy a text saying ‘hi’, and maybe if he's not busy a conversation could flow between them for a little while.

Bucky likes talking with Daredevil a lot. He figures it’s because Devil doesn’t know who he really is. He doesn’t know him as Bucky or as the Winter Soldier.

Bucky can be a clean slate with Daredevil. There are no expectations from him as either the Asset or as Bucky Barnes when being friends with Daredevil. He's just James to him and there is nothing there to ruin their strange and fast-evolving friendship. 

Bucky finally grows the confidence to shoot Daredevil a quick text, vague so it could be meant for either his secret identity or hero-self, in case someone else gets a hold of his phone and sees the message. He doesn’t want his friendly text to Devil to give away his identity.

So Bucky sends him a quick but thoughtful message and patiently and eagerly waits for a reply, but he won’t be too upset if it takes him some time to reply to his message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm surprised this is getting read tbh. ALSO one of my fave Bucky blogs posted a link to my fic on tumblr and I cried when I saw it. Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	6. One More Night?

Matt is at lunch with Foggy and Karen, enjoying a nice meal with them at a great family owned diner in Hell’s Kitchen. They wanted to go out and celebrate after a successful morning at the firm. They had twice as many clients as they usually get on a Thursday morning and many had good cases and could pay them actual money instead of with baked goods and crates of fruits and vegetables.

So, Matt is digging into the biggest, juiciest, and cheesiest bacon-avocado-cheese burger he could order from the diner. Sometimes, the intensity in tastes is either a great thing or the worst thing. Today happens to be a good day.

It’s during a conversation with Karen about her current paper for journalist side-job that Matt’s phone buzzes in his pocket.

He excuses himself and then wipes his greasy hands on a fresh napkin, so he can reach into his coat and take his phone out.

His phone usually reads off the number or name of the person calling him aloud for him to hear but it doesn’t do that this time. So that means that the ping is for Daredevil and not Matt Murdock. That also means that the message isn’t converted into an audio message because people don’t know Daredevil is blind. But those who know Matt, know to convert their text messages to him as an audio message.

So since the message is for Daredevil, Matt is quick to hand his phone over to Foggy, politely asking him to the read the message for him. If it’s an emergency he’s going to have to suit up and go help whoever is in trouble. If it’s something he can’t handle himself, he’ll have to call Luke, Danny, and Jessica to help him.

As Foggy figures out the possible severity of the situation, he quickly uses a napkin to wipe away the salty French fry remains from his fingers, before he takes a hold of the phone to read aloud the message sent to Daredevil. 

“From James.” Foggy says aloud.

Matt is shocked for a second and worried the next. He gave James his number in case he needed Daredevil’s help, or just to chat. However it has been a few days since he’s seen him and now he’s worried something is the matter with James.

Matt takes a quick moment during his internal panic to try and sense for his heartbeat somewhere in the city but then he remembers that James doesn’t live in Hell’s Kitchen. So he can’t sense James’ heartbeat to see if he’s in any danger if he’s not in Hell’s Kitchen.

_Dammit._

Foggy clears his throat, noticing that Matt had tensed up and continues reading the message for him with a reassuring smile. Matt takes that as a good sign that James isn’t in trouble.

“I had a great time with you other night.” Foggy says, pauses and lets out a pleased ‘wow’ before continuing. “We should do it again sometime if you’d like? Thanks again for the new phone by the way, it works like a charm! …smiley face emoji, thumbs up emoji.” Foggy chuckles after he reads the rest of the message.

Matt can sense that Foggy and Karen are waiting for answers, curiosity coming off both of them in huge waves. He just shrugs sheepishly at them, with James’ text message replaying over in his head.

James had fun the other night, and he wants to meet up again.

Matt can’t possibly say no to him.

“So, who is James?” Karen asks, her voice is light and playful. Matt’s going to get it now. Teasing from both his friends about the new friend he’s made in costume.

“James is a guy I met on patrol.” Matt explains quietly. “I broke his phone when he tried helping me after I got hurt, and so I got him a new one.” Matt tells them in a hushed voice, so no one in the diner can hear him talking about his life as Daredevil.

“And then you gave him your number and you two hung out all night.” Foggy chimes in. He’s grinning wide, his tone is slightly mocking and little bit intrigued. Foggy sounds like he’s thinking that Matt likes James. But that’s not the case.

“It’s not like that.” Matt says defensively and reaches over to take back his phone from Foggy.

He can reply to James later when he isn’t surrounded by his friends or other people.

“James and I are friends.” He tells them both, hoping the message will get through to them.

But then Karen says,

“I didn’t know you were into men?”

Matt furrows his eyebrows at her, then gives her a shrug.

“I mean, I just figured your Catholic guilt wouldn’t allow that?”

“Years ago, it did.” Matt tells her. He’s never come out to Karen about his sexuality, guess it just never came up in the six years he’s known her.

Thankfully He’s not ashamed of his sexuality anymore. He really hasn’t been since he became Daredevil. But now, he’s accepted that some ‘sinful’ things need to be done for the better and that other ‘sinful’ things shouldn’t be considered sinful by today’s standards.

“I used to not be comfortable with that side of me.” He tells her honestly. “Now I know that God loves all his children and that the Bible can get some things wrong.” Matt states. “I just don’t usually date men anyway…” He adds.

It’s not a lie. He’s only ever dated and had sex with a small handful of men, as opposed to the dozens of women he’s dated and had sex with. He wouldn’t say he has a preference, but he has been with more women than men.

“It’s because it’s easier to charm the ladies with the blind thing, huh?” Foggy jokes and Matt chuckles.

“Exactly.” He affirms and the three of them laugh.

 

After finishing his lunch, Matt finds himself unable to wait until later to be reply to James’ message. He does want to meet up with him again.

Something about James is compelling and so Matt can’t help himself. James is good and kindhearted, fun to talk with about everything and anything. He’s easy to be around and maybe that’s because he’s under the mask and alias the whole time. But James is still someone he can be comfortable around, despite the fact they are nothing more than strangers to each other.

It’s after they leave the diner and get back to the office that Matt gains the time and courage to respond to James’ message.

He asks Karen to type the response since he trusts her to actually type out what he wants to say. Foggy will likely add something of his own in the message so Matt knows better than to let him text James. But Foggy is there when he hands Karen his phone, since they are all sitting in the meeting room after finishing up a Renter’s Insurance—or there lack of—case.

"So, what should I say to this mysterious James?” Karen asks with a fond smile. She’s having way too much fun with teasing Matt about his friendship with James and Foggy is shouting very obscene suggestions to her.

“Uh…no Fog, I’m not going to ask him to have sex with me.” Matt tells his friend, shaking his head. ‘We’re not like that, honestly.”

“Alright, whatever you say Matty.” Foggy teases.

“But, uh, just text James: I had a great time too, let’s meet up on the roof, usual time on Saturday? Also I’m glad your phone works…smiley face?”

“Sweet and to the point, gotcha.” Karen says as she types away. As she hits send Matt hopes the day and time is okay for James.

 

Moments before leaving the firm, Matt gets a response and hands his phone over to Foggy to read again.

He can see Foggy’s smile widen before he starts reading James’ response.

“Saturday sounds good, guess I’ll see ya then, try not to get shot again before we meet up, okay?” Foggy says and then gives Matt a look after reading the message.

“Uh…remember when you found me in the firm a bit ago?” Matt tries to explain. “It’s why I broke his phone, he wanted to call the ambulance since I got shot…he helped me there instead…” Matt tells them; Foggy frowns a little and Karen just sighs.

“Can someone reply back to James: I can’t wait. And then hit send please?” Matt asks his friends. Foggy sighs and then his smile returns as he types out Matt’s message. Matt just hopes it exactly what he says and isn’t anything strange or creepy.

 

When Matt gets home, he finds himself almost unable to wait for Saturday night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this thus far! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Tell me what yall think lol. Also I feel like I should apologize for constantly using song titles/lyrics for chapter and fic titles. It's so unoriginal xD


	7. Say Amen (Saturday Night)

When Bucky gets the texts from Matt about meeting up again, he’s is thrilled! He can’t wait to see Daredevil again and is excited—and a little impatient—to wait the next couple days until Saturday to meet with him on the roof again.

He tries to keep himself occupied for the next couple of days, so that he’s not completely stir crazy until Saturday. So he hangs out with Steve and Tony, third wheeling their lunch dates. He chills with Natasha and Clint while they binge watch Netflix. He even spends sometime in the kitchen helping Bruce and Thor cook the team breakfast and dinner. He bugs Sam while he’s voice calling with Colonel Rhodes and even enjoys the company of Tony’s charge, Peter.

But Bucky won’t ever tell the others about his new friendship with Daredevil though. He wants to keep Devil to himself for the meantime. He also doesn’t want the others to get all protective and tell him that he shouldn’t be hanging out with Daredevil. He knows it’s best to it secret.

 

As night falls on New York, Bucky has a hard time waiting for later to come. He can show up a little early, it won’t kill him. So he leaves—well sneaks out—of the Tower at nine o’clock. He figures it’s not too early for him to be leaving, and happily takes the two mile walk from Manhattan to Hell’s Kitchen.

The cool night air is refreshing and the songs playing on his phone are more upbeat than usual. His music tastes are all over the place, he has a lot of time to get into new and old musicians. But his current playlist is basically all pop.

Bucky gets a worried text message from Steve around 9:30, asking him if he’d like company for his walk, and as much as Bucky would enjoy that he declines Steve’s offer. He tells him to hang out with Tony tonight instead, do some wedding planning since they’ve been engaged for almost a year now and they haven’t even set a date yet.

Bucky also assures Steve in his text to him that he just can’t sleep and needs to burn off some energy. Thankfully, Steve doesn’t argue because he’s learned by now to just accept Bucky’s nightly walks as the norm, so Bucky doesn’t have to worry about him following him or sending Spy Girl and Hawk-ass out to spy on him instead.

Bucky also doesn’t have to worry about being tracked either since he decided against a tracker being put in his new arm when he came to live at the Tower.

 

As the night continues, the dark sky finishes its stretch over Hell’s Kitchen. It’s later now, about 10:30 which means that most people are going to sleep or just about to wake up. Bright and colorful city lights illuminate the city and the noise from below only confirms that New York is truly the city that never sleeps.

Bucky makes it to the building he’s meeting Daredevil at and quickly scales the brick walls to claim his spot on the roof. He sits on the same turned over water barrel while listening to the new Panic! At the Disco album. He makes himself cozy, or as cozy as he can on a plastic 50 gallon water barrel, and waits for Devil to show up.

It appears that he doesn’t have to wait too long though.

Bucky is playing a game on his phone when he feels a gloved hand being placed on his shoulder. Startled, he quickly jumps up, heart stuck in his throat, and turns his head fast so he can see who touched his shoulder.

_Thank God it is Daredevil._

“You’ve got to stop giving me heart attacks!” Bucky shouts at him as he pulls out his headphones from his ears. He quickly pockets them and his cell phone into his hoodie pocket.

“I’m sorry.” Devil says. “I don’t mean to.” He tells him, sitting down in the spot beside the spot Bucky was sitting in.

“It’s fine.” Bucky sighs. “I’m okay.” He assures, sitting back down next to Daredevil. He gently nudges Daredevil in the arm with his elbow once he’s seated.

Thankfully, Devil sat on his right side and not his left side, so using his left arm for anything isn’t going to be an issue.

“That’s good.” Devil says nudging him back. “But maybe if you didn’t have your music on so loud you wouldn’t get so freaked out?”

“Are you volume shaming me now?”

“I guess?”

Bucky just shakes his head and laughs.

“Asshole.”

Devil laughs with him.

 

They sit in silence for a little while. It’s calming and peaceful. The wordless silence between them isn’t awkward or embarrassing at all.

Bucky looks over at Devil. He can see the silhouette of his horns in the starry night sky, the profile of his strong jaw and angled nose, sticking out from under the mask hiding his eyes and the rest of his face completely. He looks pretty content and thankfully, unharmed from any previous activities.

Devil also looks like he’s shaven recently and here Bucky is, not having have shaved in months. He could use a trim, maybe even a small haircut just to get rid of the split ends, since he kind of likes his hair longer now.

Bucky smiles, having never felt this happy in his life. It’d been a long time coming too, but he’s finally found a friend that he can be completely comfortable with. Even though they both have their secrets, it won’t exactly hurt either of them if their secrets came out. Or so Bucky hopes.

If the Soldier knows Devil under the mask, Bucky might never be able to forgive himself, especially if he’s ever hurt him or his family.

“I hope I didn’t keep you long.” Devil says, sparking up a conversation over the quiet surrounding them.

“You didn’t.” Bucky assures.

“That’s good…” Devil’s voice trails off and he chuckles a bit under his breath. “I’m glad you enjoyed our time up here last time. I don’t usually bring other people up here.”

Bucky looks away and is honestly a bit shocked. But he hums in amusement and then feels his stomach roll in a strange and unfamiliar way. It feels fluttery and his body feels unnaturally light and warm. His chest doesn’t hurt but it’s tight in a nice way. He just smiles through the feeling and leans back so he can gaze up at the abundances of stars above him.

“I enjoy our time together a lot.” Bucky shrugs, still unsure why he’s being so honest—and so vulnerable—with a man in red spandex who calls himself the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

“We’ve only met three times now.” Daredevil chuckles again, louder this time. His voice is very deep and it reminds Bucky of movie Bad Boys with the black leather jackets, shiny boots, greased back dark hair, dark eyes, and lit cigarettes hanging by a thread between their lips, with a love of all things dark and dangerous.

“Once is enough to form a bond.” Bucky tells him. “It’s what my mom used to tell me at least.” He says, feeling a small pain in his heart for his mother. But he knows that she lived a long life. She lived nearly to be 100 years old before she died in the 1980's.

“I take it she’s no longer around?” Daredevil asks him with a frown.

“She hasn’t been for a long while.” Bucky tells him with a sad shrug.

But Bucky knows, from meeting with his sisters, that she died happily surrounded by her family just a few months shy of her 94th birthday. His dad had been long dead though, nearly 20 years, by the time his mom died.   

“My father’s been gone for a long time too.” Devil shares and Bucky figures this is their topic for the night. Sad and vague family history. “And my mother abandoned me as a child, to reconnect with her faith, but I don’t really blame her for it.” Devil adds, making Bucky’s heart ache even more for his friend.

“My father’s been gone for a while as well.” Bucky shares aloud. “And one of my sisters just recently passed.” He sighs, remembering last year when he got the call saying Rebecca had passed away in her sleep.

Thankfully, Rosie and Joyce are still alive. But he doesn’t know for how much longer. They’re in their early 80's now, so they‘re running on short time now.

“I’m sorry.” Devil says. “I’ve always kind of wanted a sibling, but I’m an only child…” Devil shares, bringing Bucky out of his heartbreaking thoughts. “Though my best friend is like a brother to me. He’s a little bit overbearing, annoying, and protective, but still fun to hang out with.”

“My friend is like that too.” Bucky smiles a little, getting rid of the sadder thoughts from his head.

“Is this the same friend who’s like me?” Devil asks him, recalling to what Bucky told him when they first met.

"He is.” Bucky smiles when he answers Devil’s question.

It is strange how much Devil and Steve are alike. But there are major differences between them as well. Devil seems to be less stubborn than Steve and less dependent on other around him as well. But unlike Steve, Devil’s an asshole in a nice way? Bucky can’t exactly put it in the right words.

“Does your friend know about the costume?” Bucky asks.

“Yeah, he does. He was so upset when he found out though. But we worked it out.”

“That’s good.” Bucky says with a larger smile. He looks over at Daredevil again to see he’s smiling again too. It’s a nice smile, Bucky realizes.

 

The night draws on as they talk, and Bucky somehow finds himself with head resting on Devil’s shoulder. Their hands are close to each other, almost touching but not quite. Bucky is never this physically intimate with anyone anymore. In another life, he was so touchy-feely it made even Steve sick to his stomach. But now, Bucky keeps his distance.

“If I fall asleep, wake me up, I don’t want to drool on your demon costume.” Bucky says.

“Noted.” Devil laughs, his shoulders move as he does, and causing Bucky’s head to bounce with them.

“Got any music recommendations?” Bucky asks.

“I’m not much of a music guy.” Devil says. “I like classical stuff, older instruments but nothing beyond that.”

“So you’re a music snob?” Bucky jabs.

“Nah, I just don’t enjoy it as much as other people do.”

“So are you a Beethoven kind of guy? Mozart?”

“Tchaikovsky actually.” Devil tells him and Bucky hums, nodding his head sideways on Devil’s shoulder.

“Got any restaurant recommendations then, since I don’t live in the city.”

“Patty’s Diner is amazing.” Devil says. “Good food, good ambiance, and completely family owned and run.”

“Sounds good, I’ll have to stop by there later then.”

 

It’s after midnight when Daredevil abruptly stands up to his feet, his body tense and his senses on high alert. Devil turns towards his left and mumbles something under his breath.

Bucky stands up with him, worried that something really bad is happening. In Hell’s Kitchen, it’s highly likely something bad is happening to some unfortunate soul, but if not, then it’s likely a gang fight.

“I’ve got to go.” Devil says when he turns back towards Bucky. “I need to—”

“To do your job?” Bucky asks knowingly. “Go help your city Daredevil.” Bucky tells him, smiling a bit.

It’s strange being on the other side of the fight, he quickly realizes. But then Bucky looks out into the distance, where Devil was looking earlier, and feels confident in knowing that Devil can win whatever fight he’s about to join. “I’ll be here, waiting for you to get back then.” He says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You don’t—”

“I want to.” Bucky interrupts. “I want to make sure you’re okay and if you need help, I guess I’ll have to come running after you then.”

“You’ll get hurt.” Devil says, voice dripping with worry.

“I’ve got military training.” Bucky tells him. He can share that fact, since it won’t give away too much of his horrid past to Daredevil. But he does want to assure him he’ll be okay should he decide to join him and help him fight whatever battles he’s getting himself into.

“Fine.” Devil sighs, his gloved hand reaches out to touch Bucky’s cheek and Bucky doesn’t even flinch from it. And yet, he still flinches when Steve so much as puts a hand on his shoulder or even just gently brushes against his arm. “You stay here.” Devil tells him. “And I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He says.

Bucky snorts and lightly shoos the guy’s hand away from his face.

“Now go, someone needs your help.” Bucky urges, and he can’t help but notice that Devil seems hesitant to pull away. But he steps away from Bucky’s personal space and then takes off running in the other direction.

Bucky watches Daredevil as he parkours over the buildings to reach his destination so he can do what he needs to do for Hell’s Kitchen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting seven chapters to use that song for a chapter title!! Totally worth it.  
> This was a pretty long chapter that I hope doesn't have too many mistakes??? I'm packing to go back to school and so I'm tired xD.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I love all of you who are into this! I means so much to me.


	8. When Can We Do This Again?

Matt returns to the roof about five hours after his departure, sore and eager to tell James that he’s okay. He knows that James wanted to wait for him to make sure he got out of the fight alive. And Matt wants to be able to get to tell him that he is alive.

The sun slowly climbs up over the horizon and the dark sky brightens into a pale shade of blue. The wind is minimal but it appears that it may rain today given there are silver clouds forming in the sky.

Matt see James in the distance, he’s laying down on his side on the roof, which Matt thinks is probably really uncomfortable.

Matt just hopes he hasn’t worried James too much.

As get gets closer he noticed that James is curled up around himself, headphones in his ears, hoodie up over his head, covering his eyes, and fast asleep on the hard and cold material of the roof. It was most likely very uncomfortable for him to sleep on.

“James.” Matt whispers and gently pats James’ shoulder.

Matt makes sure that it isn’t the metal one he’s touching, thankfully James is sleeping on his left side so he can tap the right shoulder fine.  

Matt can smell the harsh metal and the burning electricity in James’ prosthetic but because James hasn’t brought up in a conversation yet, Matt knows not touch it or make notice of it, he doesn’t want to offend James or make him uncomfortable at all.

“James, wake up.” Matt says a little louder and then pulls one of the headphones out of James’ ears. He can hear the sound of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake playing from them.

Guess he took him up on the suggestion.

“Devil? Is that you?” James asks sleepily, eyes fluttering open.

Matt can’t help but notice how soft his voice is when he’s still half asleep. It’s kind of nice and Matt wonders what James was dreaming about.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Matt tells him.

“Waking up to see the Devil is usually a bad thing, just saying.” James chuckles, voice slow and quiet. Maybe he should have just let James sleep in a bit longer.

“The devil wasn’t always the bad guy you know.” Matt tells him instead, smiling a bit his way.

“Good to know.” James sighs and pushes himself up from the floor. Sitting up, he stretches his arms out in a Y-shape above his head and yawns loudly. “Are you hurt?” He then asks.

“Not a scratch on me.” Matt tells him.

 “I’d say bullshit if I wasn’t still half asleep.” James mutters.

Matt chuckles and sits beside him on the water barrel, he pats the empty seat beside him and James groggily stands up and then sits down beside Matt.

“Are you really sure you’re okay?” James asks, worry and fear laced in his tone.

James reaches out and touches Matt’s hand, grabbing it and then inspecting his arm for any injuries.

“I’m okay, really.” He assures James. “The rest of my team showed up to help me when things got rough.” Matt explains.

Right before Matt was certain he was going to get killed, Jessica showed up to help. She made her big entrance by throwing a car at the gang members Matt was up against. It was unfair in number at the beginning of the fight, five against one. But then Jessica and Luke showed up in time to stop Matt from possibly being stabbed to death.

“We got rid of the problem, saved some people, and got fast food afterwards, the usual.” Matt says, shrugging a bit at the end. But James still seems skeptical.

“I can smell blood on you, you know.” James tells him.

“Well of course I couldn’t get out scratch free.” Matt says. “But I wasn’t shot or stabbed, so I think that constitutes me as being okay.” Matt places his other hand on top of James and gives him a reassuring smile.

“Can I at least check you over? Please?” James asks, voice cracking a little.

“Of course you can.” Matt sighs and allows James to assess him.

James checks out his other arm for any injuries and then examines his head, making sure he’s not concussed or suffering from any brain or nerve damage.

James then has them stand up and he circles around Matt, inspecting his reflexes and his ability to stand and move.

Once James finishes making his assessment; he sighs in relief, pulls away from Matt, and deems his injuries as non-life threatening.

“See told you I’m okay.” Matt grins.

“Yes, yes, I believe you know.” James huffs, crossing his arms. “Thank goodness you had back up then huh?”

“My team and I are good at what we do.” Matt says and James nods, humming in agreement.

 “That’s good, I’m just glad you have someone to help you.” James says, reaching out his arms for hug. Matt smiles and hugs James, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him close.

“You should probably start heading back home soon.” Matt tells James releasing him from the hug. “I wouldn’t want to keep you, you obviously need sleep and I don’t want whomever it is you’re living with to worry about you being out so late.”

By the way James’ scent changes, he realizes that maybe James doesn’t have a home to go to. It’s probably why he’s out all the time and wears the same thing. But he’s not 100% sure if James is homeless or not. Just by hearing his body he can tell that he is well fed and just from smelling him he can tell that James bathes regularly.

So Matt wonders why he’s so reluctant to leave.

“Eventually…” James mutters solemnly. “But I wouldn’t want to keep you from your day job.”

Matt nods in affirmation, he has to be at the court house at 10 and he wants to get a shower, breakfast, and a power nap in before heading in for the case in five hours.

“Alright, I better get going then.” James says, voice sounding sad at the idea of leaving. Matt can’t help but share the feeling. He wishes he can be with James all day, but he can’t for many reasons.

James smiles a bit and then gives Matt a small wave as he heads over to the fire escape, so he can get down from the roof and leave.

Matt can feel his body telling him to stop James, but he isn’t sure if it’s just the left-over adrenaline from the fight or what. Either way, Matt decides to stop James before he leaves.

“Wait.” Matt says suddenly and quickly runs and reaches out and grabs James’ by his hand.

James looks up at him and blinks in confusion. Brows knitted together and a frown on his lips. He gives Matt a strange look but Matt ignores it.

“Meet me here again, Tuesday night, so you have time in between now and then to sleep, so I won’t completely ruin your sleep schedule.” Matt tells him.

But he should know better than to drag another civilian into this dangerous lifestyle. He’s already endangering Foggy and Karen, with being connect to them both in and out of costume. And now he could be endangering James too.

But it’s too late to tell him otherwise. He’s already invited him for Tuesday, and he honestly doesn’t want to un-invite him.

Matt finds himself incredibly attached to James already, even after only a couple meet ups. His heart is pure and he can tell that he’s experienced so much pain in the past. He can’t help but be interested in the man behind all that pain.

“I’ll be here then.” James tells him, smile returning to his face. “Maybe this time I’ll bring snacks or something.” He says with a laugh. Matt laughs with him and nods.

Their hands linger in each other’s for a little while longer. A feeling of warmth travels through Matt’s glove and up his veins into his heart, pumping it with happiness.

Suddenly James’ phone goes off and the man groans under his breath. He then pulls his hand away from Matt's so he can reach into his pocket to turn off the phone.

“Then, I guess I’ll see you around.” James says with a smile.

“Don’t be a stranger, James, you can message me whenever you want.” Matt calls out to James as he heads towards the fire escape ladder.

James turns around and waves before descending down the loud rusted metal ladder.

Matt can’t contain the happiness bubbling in his chest and the smile spreading across his face.

He can tell James feels the same way. He feels James heart skip as he leaves, he smells the happiness wafting off him, and he can feel his mood improving with each meeting. And it’s not a one sided improvement either.

For whatever reason they work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and enjoying this!   
> Also yes this story is gonna be FULL of romantic cliches so bear with me xD


	9. Never Close Our Eyes

It’s been six weeks since Devil invited Bucky to come up on the roof with him on Tuesday and since that Tuesday, Bucky’s been meeting up with Daredevil every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Bucky would like for them to hang out every day, but Devil was pretty serious when he told Bucky he didn’t want to ruin his sleep schedule.

Like there is even one to ruin in the first place.

Either way, Bucky’s actually pretty happy that he can add ‘Hang out Devil’ on the calendar on his cell phone. He likes hanging out with Daredevil and has a feeling that Daredevil likes hanging out with him as well.

Bucky has been texting Daredevil more often as well. He’ll send him funny videos he finds online and links them over to his phone. He also sends Devil ‘good morning’ texts and ‘stay safe’ texts for when he knows he’s going out to fight crime at night.

Usually, in the afternoon, Daredevil sends Bucky paragraphs of text detailing how his day’s been so far and even sending him a photo of his lunch all while being careful about not giving away his identity. Bucky doesn’t even try to decipher any clues he can find from his texts or pictures. He knows how important his secret is to him and won’t pry unless Devil wants to share who he is under the mask.

Today is another Tuesday and after spending the early evening ninth wheeling the others for a Disney movie marathon—Clint’s idea—Bucky excuses himself to bed.

At around 8:30 Bucky is busy assembling a bag of things together so he’s ready to hang out with Daredevil for tonight. Bucky fills his standard black Jansport backpack with a couple of water bottles, a packaged array of sweet and salty snacks, two soda bottles, an extensive first aid kit, and a thick and warm sleeping bag in case Devil has to leave so Bucky can nap on the roof with comfort.

Bucky also brings his phone and headphones with him and at around 9:00 Bucky takes the elevator down to the first floor and leaves the Tower, music blasting in his ears and a confident stride in his steps.

 

Usually if it’s a quiet night for crime, Bucky will meet Daredevil up on the roof. They’ll eat the dozens of snacks Bucky’s brought with him, and talk about nothing for the whole night or until something comes up that drags Devil away from hanging out with Bucky.

But if it’s a crime filled night, Bucky will wait for Daredevil to return the whole night, he doesn’t even care about the cold that’s creeping in to signal the beginning of the winter season. Bucky will ignore it and just sit himself in his sleeping bag, buddle himself in his huge hoodie, and sleep looking like a cocooned caterpillar until Devil arrives to wake him up when he returns.

Bucky always waits for Daredevil every time he has to go save people because he knows Daredevil is truly just a civilian under the mask. He’s a civilian with combat training of some sort but he’s no super soldier like him. Devil’s cells don’t regenerate like his do. He gets hurt, he bleeds, he bruises, and he breaks bones. Daredevil can easily die out there and Bucky wants to be able to go out and help him should he not return by sunrise.

Thankfully Daredevil is really good about coming back when he’s done fighting crime for the night, even if it’s a little later in the morning, he’ll shoot Bucky a text saying he’s taking longer, and tell him to head home. But Bucky refuses, messaging Devil back telling him that he’s staying on the roof until he can return so he can check up on him.

Daredevil always comes back but often in different stages of disarray every time.

Sometimes Devil comes back with blood dripping from his nose, staining his upper lip a dark shade of red. Sometimes he comes back with his lip split open, bleeding and swelling unattractively. And though he spits blood every time he utters a sentence, he just laughs it off and asks Bucky for some water to clean himself up.

Sometimes he returns to the roof with a bullet wound or a stab wound somewhere—thankfully—nonlethal and Bucky fusses when Devil doesn’t let him help patch himself up. 

Sometimes he comes back covered in nothing but blood, making his already red suit a completely different shade of red; wet a glossy like Natasha’s lip gloss under the early morning light. When that happens there will usually be no serious injury present on Daredevil’s body and Bucky finds that both alarming and impressive.

Sometimes he comes back with his arm already in a sling or his leg in a splint. And other times he comes back completely scratch free.

 

Bucky makes it to the roof around an half an hour after leaving the Tower and he climbs up the fire escape ladder, two steps at a time until he’s made it to the top. He spots Daredevil sitting on the turned over water barrel and Bucky plops himself down right next to him.

“Hey.” Devil says, jaw tense.

“Hey.” Bucky responds. He looks at Devil and then out in the direction he’s looking at. He knows what’s happening. “Something’s going on huh?”

“Yeah, Italian Mob and Slavic Mob turf war.” Devil says gritting his teeth. “And it just got personal too.” He stands up quickly, fists clenched at his sides. “I’ve got to go.” Devil tells him.

“Go.” Bucky assures. “Go and win, call for backup if you need it.” He adds, standing up to place a calming hand on Devil’s shoulder.

Devil turns around to face him, he throws his arms around Bucky’s shoulders to hug him goodbye before leaving.

“You go do your thing, I’ll be here the whole time waiting for you to get back.” Bucky says as Devil pulls away from the hug.

“I know you will, and I’ll be back as soon as possible.” Devil promises him. “Bye James, stay warm.” He says and begins roof hopping to get to his destination.

“Stay safe!” Bucky calls after him, waving him off.

As soon as Devil is no longer in his sights, Bucky quickly sets up his little camp site on the roof and then sits down on the sleeping bag ready to play Disney Tsum-Tsum on his cell phone to help pass the time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this and for the lovely comments!  
> I'm trying to stick to an update everyday schedule until I catch up with what I have written so far...I wrote a third of this story last year with no intentions of publishing lol...anyway I'm sorry I couldn't update yesterday, my WiFi went out unexpectedly.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Next one's a doozy!


	10. You and I

Bucky spends the entire night playing around on his phone—he downloaded Tumblr thinking that would be fun—eating his abundance of snacks, and listening to music until he falls asleep. But he’s only asleep for a couple hours until the rain wakes him up just before sunrise.

So Bucky uses the blue plastic tarp left laying on top of the roof as an umbrella for the time being.

But as the rain continues and as the morning continues on, Bucky realizes that Daredevil hasn’t come back yet. More importantly, he hasn’t called or texted Bucky either to say he’s running late.

 A sense of dread suddenly washes over him as the rain pelts down on him and his make-shift tarp-umbrella.

Devil has never not told him he was coming back late. He always makes time to call or text him to tell him he’s still dealing with criminals.

The horror of worst-case scenarios plague his mind. What if Devil died during the fight? What if he’s seriously hurt in an alley somewhere, face down in puddle? What if he’s been kidnapped and is passed out in some dark locked room, tied to chair waiting for someone to come in and torture him for information?

Bucky resists the urge to vomit at the thought of Daredevil being seriously hurt or worse.

But as the morning continues; Bucky just knows that something is wrong.

Bucky checks his phone, sees it’s already past 7 AM and well past sunrise, and decides it’s time to make the call. He’ll fight everyone in the city to find Devil and make sure he’s okay.

So he packs up all his things and sends Steve a quick text saying he’s doing some rain walking for a little while and hopes that he doesn’t send the Calvary to come get him.

But as Bucky is stuffing all his things back into his backpack, he hears footsteps coming up the creaky metal ladder on the side of the building. He hears multiple footsteps and knows that it’s not Daredevil coming up the fire escape, so he jumps to a defensive position and readies himself for a fight.

Instead Bucky is greeted by the Defenders.

Bucky notices the three strangers as Devil’s team right away, from all the times he’s seen blurred images of their faces all over the local news.  But it’s just them three, Daredevil isn’t with them, which means that Devil sent them here to come tell Bucky something. And given the fact that they all look like they’ve just been beat in a fight, indicates that the news isn’t good.

Bucky just hopes that the news they’ve brought him doesn’t involve the death of the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

 

The girl—Jewel as the media calls her—stands a few feet in front of him, arms crossed and looking at the other Defenders to her right. Her jet black hair is a frizzy mess, her pale cheeks are cut up and bleeding, her skinny jeans are ripped and frayed, and her grey eyes look solemn.

Power Man—as the yellow-and-red hoodie indicates—is immediately to the right of her. His dark hoodie is Swiss-cheese cut with bullet holes, his dark skin completely unharmed from the looks of it, but looking at his dark eyes Bucky knows that he was crying earlier.

Iron Fist—as the media call him—is right next to Power Man, his bronze curls are messy and matted from the rain, his body is slouched in exhaustion, and his emerald eyes give Bucky a glance or worry.

They all look wrecked.

Bucky freezes in their presence and hopes that they don’t know who he is. He keeps his metal arm hidden at all times which helps keep him from getting recognized in public and Bucky figures the Defenders would have to be history buffs to know what his face looked like. It helps him in hiding now that he’s got a thick beard growing in and his hair is well past his shoulders now, tied up into a single braid down his back as courtesy of Natasha. Devil hadn’t recognized him when they met. So he hopes the other Defenders won’t either.

“Where’s Daredevil? Is he okay?” Bucky asks, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

But the Defenders don’t answer him.

“You’re his friends, right? The Defenders?” Bucky asks, voice growing hoarse. “Where is Daredevil?” He repeats.

“Are you James?” Power Man finally speaks up, but still completely ignoring Bucky’s question.

“I am.” Bucky tells him as he hears the pounding of his heart against his chest becoming louder with each moment. “Where is Daredevil?” He asks again. Hopefully they’ll answer his question this time.

Iron Fist walks up slowly and places a steady hand on his shoulder and Bucky tries not to push it away.

“He’s at a safe house for right now.” Iron Fist tells him. “He’s passed out for now, and he’s being examined by our friend who is a nurse.”

“Before he passed out from the pain, he asked us to come get you and bring you to the safe house.” Jewel adds quickly. “He was pretty adamant about coming to get you himself, but then Claire gave him some sedatives so he could rest while she fixed him up.”

Bucky bites his lower lip, replaying the words Jewel just told him. Daredevil is passed out, because he’s hurt. He wanted to come see him but he couldn’t.

Bucky feels his chest constricting but he doesn’t let himself cry. He takes deep inhale of air and fights back the tears in his eyes.

“Take me to him, please.” Bucky says.

“Alright then, let’s go.” Power Man says, turning around. The others quickly follow after him.

Bucky’s hand tightens around the strap of his backpack as he follows the Defenders, his body feels numb but he forces himself to walk so he can get to Daredevil and make sure he’s okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter nine had to be split up into two chapters which is why this chapter is in Bucky's POV still.  
> Also sorry for this, but Matt had to get injured sooner or later. Also I'm posting two chapters in one day to make up for not being able to update yesterday!


	11. Whatever It Takes

Matt groans as he rolls over in his bed. He hates waking up after getting seriously injured in a fight because it usually means his senses are either dialed down to a zero or are a thousand times more amplified.

But despite not wanting to wake up, Matt wakes up, blinking, and lays in his bed in complete silence, starring up at the ceiling above him. He figures that the lack of noise and other senses means that his powers are at a zero right now.

At least there isn’t a screeching ringing in his ears.

Matt’s stomach rolls and his bones and muscles ache. He doesn’t remember much after getting shot a couple times in the back and then falling hard on the ground afterwards. But he does remember being taken out of a hole in the ground and being conscious enough to tell the others to go find James for him.

He just hopes they’ve found him and brought him here.

 

Suddenly there’s a loud slam and then some highly muffled and high pitched shouting—or is it just talking?—and then Matt feel’s the swift presence of seven bodies in his apartment.

He can hear the shouting becoming less muffled as he throws the covers off is body and sets his feet on the ground. The hardwood floor feels too cold and too hard for the soles of his feet.

He quickly realizes that his abilities are now amplified.

Matt can sense that all of the people in his apartment are worried about him. Four of the seven are more worried than the other three, but the fear and concern is still a prominent presence in the apartment. He can’t help but feel bad for worrying his friends this way. But he has to do what he has to do to keep the people of Hell’s Kitchen safe.

As Matt gets up from bed the shouting—talking?—becoming clearer but it’s so loud! His head is pounding and his whole body is in pain. Getting shot and then getting crushed doesn’t feel good at all.

Matt groans and feels that his mask was still on his face. Matt wonders if Claire had to bring in a surgeon to help him with his wounds.

Matt staggers and shakes as he walks out of his bedroom into his living room, trying to pinpoint why the seven people in his apartment are talking so loudly with each other.

 

“So he was shot and then support beams from a construction site fell on top of him?” A voice asks.

“Yeah, he was pretty banged up, I almost needed to bring in someone else to help me heal him. He was lucky the bullets either went all the way through or just grazed him.” Another voice says.

Matt wishes he could figure out who’s talking!

His body stops in the middle of the doorway, he leans on the doorframe for support. He’s hurting and can’t support himself completely. He’ll be out of the office and the streets for a while.

Matt then feels the room beginning to spin, or is that just him?

The air around him grows thicker and he finds it hard to breathe.

Matt takes another step before he falls over. But he doesn’t land on the floor, instead he lands in someone’s arms.

“I told you I’d get you if you fell.” The voice says in a teasing manner despite the sorrow hidden in his tone.

Matt drowns out the rest of the talking as he feels himself being carried back to bed. He just hopes James isn’t too worried about him.

 

“He’s awake.” Matt hears Karen’s voice speak up over the others.

Guess he passed out again.

Matt mumbles incoherently and then sits up, blinking, and tries to get his senses back to him and hopefully they’re not still messed up. It’s always such a struggle to get them back to normal.

“Give him some space.” Claire’s voice rings out. Matt senses everyone stepping back, and then takes a deep breath himself. He takes in a few more and lets them out, trying to get his abilities dialed back to normal as quickly as he can.

He can sense that Karen and Claire are in his bedroom with him. He can also sense that the Defenders are all here too. He senses Foggy is here quickly after sensing the Defenders. He can smell the gunpowder from Castle’s guns on Foggy’s person, meaning he was with him last night.

But Matt wonders who the seventh person is. And then it hits him. He can feel James’ presence in his room loud and clear.

Thank god he’s here.

James being here means that the others found him for him and brought him here like he asked. It also means that he’s the reason he’s still wearing the mask. Claire didn’t need to bring in a surgeon, she was able to help him without having to get extra help. Which means Matt’s better off than he previously thought.

Matt takes another few breaths and doesn’t move. But he does look in the direction of the others around him, giving them each a reassuring smile to prove to them he’s okay.

 

“Wh—what time is it?” Matt asks once he feels like he can properly form words

“11:14 AM.” Foggy tells him. “You’re been in and out of consciousness for a couple hours.” He adds.

“You should get back to sleep.” Karen quickly injects.

“He’s fine.” Jessica says, her arms crossing over her chest.

“Ma—maybe he should decide that for himself.” Claire says, having almost said Matt’s name, but she’s quick to correct herself before she does and Matt tells himself that he’ll have to thank her for that later.

“Well, let’s hope he doesn’t mind that we brought him a present.” Luke chuckles.

“He’s the one who asked us to find James though?” Danny points out. Luke only rolls his eyes and throws his arm around Danny’s waist, bringing the smaller man into his personal space.

Matt is always amused by their public display of affection. He finds it kind of sweet and a little entertaining to watch.

Matt then turns towards James and offers him his hand.

“I’m sorry if I scared you.” He tells James.

“Yeah, well, don’t do it again.” James tells him, crossing his arms over his chest. Ignoring Matt’s extended hand. So Matt places his hand on James’ forearm and then grips his fingers around it, carefully pulling James into a hug.

James relaxes and lightly returns the hug. Matt smiles and breathes in his scent. Though it is laced with fear, pain, and worry; James still smells of oil, metal, cinnamon, and chocolate. His detergent is lavender scented, his body wash is cucumber and green tea, and his shampoo and conditioner are roses and pomegranate. Even with all the clashing scents, James still smells amazing.

But Matt quickly pulls away from the hug when he notices the others’ eyes on them, watching them, and all curious about who James is to him. And honestly, Matt doesn’t even know anymore.

Matt is extremely attached to James, there is no doubt about that. Matt values their friendship and enjoys James’ company. But then again…

Matt shakes his head to remove those thoughts from his mind. He promised himself and Elektra that he wouldn’t find anyone else after her. Losing Elektra broke him. And he lost her because of who he is, he couldn’t lose someone else that way. He’d rather die than let it happen again.

“We’ll give you two some privacy.” Foggy says, catching Matt’s attention. Both Foggy and Karen then begin ushering the others out of his bedroom and into the living room.

There’s some protest from the others but Foggy makes sure he gets them all out of the bedroom before closing the sliding door separating the two rooms behind him.

 

“At least it’s not a sex dungeon.” James chuckles once the others are out of hearing range.

Matt snorts at the call-back joke, shaking his head at James and James just smiles.

Matt’s hands, no longer covered by his costume’s gloves, gently grabs James’ right hand. His fingers curl around James’ hand and he looks up at James and sighs.

“I’m glad they found you.” He says.

“Me too.” James sighs. “I was worried, I almost I had to go find you myself.”

“With military training or without it, James I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to put yourself in harm’s way for me.”

James blinks at him and quickly removes his hand away from Matt’s.

“And yet you do just that for Hell’s Kitchen?” James asks.

“I’m so sorry I worried you.” Matt tells him again. “But you need to know sacrifices need to be made for me to help others.”

“So you’d really sacrifice your own life to help a city that could care less as to who you are or what you’re trying to do for it?” James asks him, voice wavering on emotion.

“I want to help people. It’s a vow I’ve made ever since I’ve learned to use my abilities.” Matt tells him.

Matt can feel James’ frustration grow with each word he says.

“But your abilities don’t heal you though?” James mutters.

“No, they don’t.” Matt admits, and he reaches out James’ hand again in attempt to help assure him that he’ll be okay, even without having healing abilities. But James moves his hand away before Matt can take it again.

“I don’t want to be that person that yells at you to tell you to stop this because I know it won’t work.” James says with a defeated sigh. “I also know that it’s pointless to tell you to be more careful since you’ll still put your life on the line for others, so I won’t.”

“Thank you.” Matt says, giving James a smile.

“That doesn’t mean I won’t be burying myself in worry though.” James states. “And I’ll have to bug you more now, text and call more often. Show up on the roof more nights just to make sure you’re okay.” He says with a slight smile.

“You’ll ruin your sleep schedule.” Matt tell him.

“Sacrifices need to be made.” James reiterates, and Matt smiles.

Matt reaches up, cupping James’ cheek, and James’ hand meets his.

“Thank you James, for understanding.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” James sighs. “You should get more rest though, you were very badly hurt.

“I’m okay, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I know, but someone’s gotta.” He sighs. “Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep again?” James asks.

Matt wants to say no and tell James he should go home and get some rest himself. But he blames all the drugs in his system on his answer.

“Could you? Please?” He asks.

“Of course Devil, I can bring in one of the chairs from the kitchen and sit beside you?”

“No, its fine, the bed’s big enough for the both of us, you can just slide in with me.”

James chuckles at that and decides to join Matt on the bed and Matt falls asleep with his head in James’ lap. He’s too tired and has too many drugs in his system to care about the meaning behind it.

 

When Matt wakes up again it’s well past noon and James is already long gone. But Matt’s friends and teammates are still there in his apartment. And when Matt walks out into the living room, he can feel all of them giving him strange looks. Because he can sense that they know that Matt’s had intimacy issues ever since Elektra died and that this is the first new person he’s been this close with in a long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter woohoo!
> 
> Thank you all for reading and enjoying my fic! Guess Matt's got a little crush developing huh? lol.   
> Also it's so hard writing from Matt's perspective, so I hope I'm doing a good job? And it's hard for like a whole lot of reasons. One, this boy uses his sense of smell a lot and I can't smell? My nose doesn't work so I don't know what oil smells like and according to my mom I'm missing out? Also I'm not blind, I mean sure my prescription glasses are really high, but I can still see. Also Matt is like super hella violent and I'm not at all? I don't believe in violence and this boy probably gets off to punching people xD.  
> Anyway, yeah, it's just hard writing for Matt lol.


	12. Heart Attack

Bucky leaves the safe house with his heart hammering in his chest, a blush present on his cheeks, and very happy smile spreading on his lips.

Bucky knows, he can just tell, that he’s developing feelings far greater than just friendship for Daredevil. And that realization scares him to death.

So, he does the only sensible thing someone would do in this situation. Bucky goes back to the tower and then goes into Tony’s lab to beat up the dozens on training bots Tony needs to have tested for combat training exercises.

But after destroying all of Tony’s bots, all still in need of work according to the genius, Bucky spends the next few hours laying in bed thinking about what he can do to get rid of the feelings he has for Devil.

He can’t be falling for him. He just can’t be.  

 

Bucky ends up canceling his plans with Daredevil for the next week, giving him an excuse that he’s going to visit his family out of state.

Thankfully, Bucky isn’t completely lying, since his sisters invite him last minute to a _Barnes Family Reunion Spectacular_ hosted in Indiana for the weekend.

Bucky ends up going and taking all the Avengers with him, feeling only a little sorrow for not being able to bring Devil with him.

 

But when Bucky returns from his weekend stay in Indiana, he cancels another weeks’ worth of plans with Daredevil, because he has yet to rid himself of his feelings for him.

It hurts Bucky to be doing this. He wants to see Daredevil and he wants to hang out with him. But he knows that doing that will only continue Bucky’s falling for Daredevil. He has to distance himself no matter how much he hates it.

 

Bucky finds himself ignoring Daredevil for almost a month. He comes up with good excuses too, some are even true and aren’t actual excuses but are enough to keep him away from him.

Bucky can’t fall for Devil because he doesn’t want to burden him with his problems. Bucky has way too much baggage that would cause any man to go running and screaming in the opposite direction. But Devil’s too nice to do that and so Bucky doesn’t want him to have to put up with his problems, should his feelings be returned.

Bucky can’t fall for Devil because Hydra still poses as a threat. If they ever find out Bucky’s dating someone, even with Daredevil being who he is, he hasn’t gone against someone as formidable as Hydra. He could get seriously hurt or killed because of Bucky and Bucky would rather not fall in love with someone to only lose them to his past abusers.

Bucky can’t fall for Devil because he suppressed his sexuality for so long that even Steve doesn’t know about his preferences and he doesn’t want to disappoint him at all. Bucky’s always been labeled as a Lady’s Man or a Womanizer and that’s not true because he’s gay. He’s always been gay, he just hid it really well to avoid getting caught.

Bucky can’t fall for Daredevil because the Avengers aren’t particularly fond of him and the other Defenders. And Bucky is not about to test the literature of Shakespeare’s most famous romantic tragedy with a man wearing a demon costume made out of spandex.   

Sure, his last reasoning is really dramatic, but Bucky needs an extensive _cons_ list to attack all the pros of telling Daredevil he likes him.

And God does he like him. And that’s why he has to keep his distance for the time being.

But Bucky can’t even fathom the thought of never seeing Devil again because of his damn feelings for him.

And maybe Bucky deserves to be selfish for once in his life? Maybe he should allow this one good thing to happen for himself?

Bucky can fall happily in love with a man with a secret identity and he won’t even care if the feelings aren’t returned because he can still just be his friend. He doesn’t want to risk losing Daredevil either way.

 

Bucky finally decides that he’s done overthinking his childish crush on Daredevil, so he can get his friend back. He can pine all he wants over the guy. But he still wants nothing more than to be friends with him. So, Bucky figures that it’s time to stop avoiding him.

He just hopes that it’s not too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and enjoying my fic! Comments make my day, really they do. Even one word comments lol. 
> 
> So I just moved back into the dorms at my school and classes start Thursday, so updates will be slowed after that date, but I want to be at a good place before I do have to slow down my updates, so pray to the fanfiction and creativity gods for me!
> 
> Also sorry for not updating yesterday, move in day took a lot out of me.


	13. Undisclosed Desires

The days following Matt’s injury, he quickly notices that Foggy and Karen are tiptoeing around him.  Unspoken words are obviously hanging on the tips of their tongues, but they are never said.

Matt notices Foggy and Karen’s abnormal behavior happening in between clients at work, during their lunch break, and after work when they go hang out at Josie’s.

Foggy and Karen’s behavior begins when Matt returns to work a couple of days after getting hurt and then continues for the next week.

Finally, after their last client leaves for the day, Matt gets fed up with it.

“You guys have been acting strange all week, what gives?” Matt asks. He waits for their response and senses that both of them seem to be a mix of worried and upset. He wonders what could possibly be wrong.

“You said James was just a friend, right?” Karen is the first to speak up. But she’s asking a question she already knows the answer to.

“He is.” Matt says.

So, this is about James?

Matt figures that’s what their issue is. He wonders if James’ sudden distance and Foggy and Karen’s strange behavior have any correlation to each other. But he knows his friends wouldn’t tell James to stop hanging out with him.

Or would they?

“It didn’t look that way Wednesday morning.” Foggy points out.

“You were both just as worried about me.” Matt mutters, hands flexing around the handle of his support cane. He figures that his closeness with James is what set off Foggy and Karen’s concern.

But there’s nothing wrong with two people being close. Matt’s extremely close with Foggy, more close than best friends probably should be. But no one thinks anything of it.

“Yes, we were worried, really worried.” Foggy says with a sad sigh. “But neither one of us stayed with you until you fell asleep or refused to eat anything the whole day.” He states. “But then again none of us got to hang out with you in the costume before we figured out it was you under there, huh?” Foggy states with his arms crossed.

Matt give Foggy a confused and angry glance and tenses up in his seat.

So, what if James only knows him as Daredevil, it’s how they met. If Matt met James outside of his costume he’d keep Daredevil a secret just as much as he’s keeping Matthew Murdock a secret from him. It’s for the better he doesn’t know.

“Matt, its wrong stringing a guy along under an alias.” Karen tells him. “You’ll end up hurting him in the long run.”

So that’s what it is.

“I’m not stringing him along, Karen, really I’m not.” Matt tells her. “We’re not even a couple. We’re just friends.”

“But you want to be.” Foggy says, it’s not even a question. Foggy’s known him long enough to know him when he starts falling for someone.

Foggy always knows who Matt really likes and wants to be with versus the people who he likes and is just having sex with. The same goes for Matt. He knows who Foggy truly likes and who he’s just sleeping with. Marcy was a bit of gray area but with Frank, there’s something there that makes them almost a perfect couple. Despite the wrong doings Castle has done in his lifetime.

Thinking about James, Matt can’t help himself with thinking about him as more than a friend. James is a true beauty to behold. Even if he can’t see him past his world of fire he can still see him for who he is as a person. James is someone he can find himself being with for the long run. But that’s only if he says anything to him and if James returns his feelings.

Matt does want something more with James, he can’t deny that anymore. It eats at him in the middle of night. The hidden desire burning within him for James is so strong. But he can’t risk ever revealing those feelings, for James’ sake.

He is already putting too many people at risk with his secret. And with Wilson Fisk still out for blood, Matt knows that his friends are always in danger. He can’t do the same to James. He can’t be that cruel to him after he’s been such a good friend to him.

Matt hates that he’s falling for him but knows that he can keep it on the downlow in order to not ruin their friendship, which is still relatively new and growing.

Or at least he hopes so. Matt understands that James can be busy, but his suddenly busy schedule is all too convenient given what’s recently happened between them.

“Sure, okay, I’ll be the one to admit it.” Matt sighs. “I do like James, okay, but I promised Elektra I wouldn’t  be with anyone else after she died.”

“She’s been dead for almost three years Matt.” Karen says sadly.  “You’re still young and are clearly in love with someone else. You would really want to give up a future for yourself, just like that?” Karen asks.

“Elektra was different.” He says, trying hard not to make his voice waver. Talking about her still hurts. He can’t just move on from someone so perfect for him. She was just as equally messed up and violent as he is.

They were a match made in Heaven.

“Matt, I know it still hurts, but you can’t just let someone fall in love with you under another identity, we can tell he likes you too and it’s wrong for both of you to start a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, the way you have.”

 Matt feels his blood begin to boil.

“Like you’re one to talk Fog, your boyfriend was a dead man.” Matt snaps.

It’s a bad idea to bring Frank up in this conversation, but the deed is already done.

“Leave Frank out this!” Foggy snaps back, quickly standing up in his chair in a rage.

“Matt!” Karen shouts, slamming her file folder against the table, interrupting them. “We get it.” Karen says lowering the volume in her tone. “We know you’re hesitant…to fall for someone again, after losing Elektra…” Karen sighs. “But you can’t let that fear hurt someone else.”

Matt freezes. He knows that. And can’t stop the ache in his chest from thinking about Elektra so much.

He loved her and then he lost her, and when he did the first time it hurt. It was unexpected, and Matt should have done a better job at protecting her.  

But the second time losing her hurt the worst. The Hand stripped her of her memories and turned her into a ruthless killing machine. They brought her dead corpse back to life for their own amusement and Matt had to watch as the love of his life was changed into a completely different person.

Matt knew that if he started a relationship with James, he could suffer from a fate just as horrible as Elektra’s. And Matt couldn’t live himself anymore if the same thing happen between him and James. But he wants to be happy and he wants to be in a relationship with James.  

He can’t just live in fear of loss forever, can he?  

“I’m just worried about something horrible happening to James because of me.” Matt admits to his friends. The grip he has on his support stick loosening so that it falls onto the tile of their conference room.

Karen and Foggy share a sadden look and get up together, coming around the table to give Matt a reassuring hug.

“James can take care of himself, I’m pretty sure the guy’s ripped under that hoodie he wears.”

“It doesn’t matter if he can or can’t…” Matt sighs. “And I don’t think James is as fond of me as you’d like to think Foggy. I think he’s been ignoring me since the incident.”

Foggy takes a deep inhale and hugs him tighter.

“You know I did the same thing after I saw you all banged up.” Foggy says. “It’s a natural response to seeing someone you love so seriously hurt, you distance yourself for a short time to wrap your head around everything.”

“James will come around Matt, I’m sure he just needs a little time.” Karen assures him.

Matt smiles a bit, nodding at their comments. He figures he can wait for James. And then when he saw him again he’d finally confess, just to get it off his chest.

And if the feelings are mutual? They’d figure it out.

And if they’re not returned? Matt can still be friends with him, he’ll end up getting over his feelings for James eventually. Bottomline; Matt just wants to be able to see him and hang out with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, it's vaguely hinted that Matt has a type lol.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this and enjoying this! I'm so happy to be sharing this fic with you! I love this ship so much! I don't care if I have to pilot it my damn self, I have the abilities to write shit and made poorly edited moodboards xD. 
> 
> Speaking of which, idk if yall seen it but my moodboard for this fic is floating around tumblr, yall should reblog it and give me validation lol. 
> 
> http://bucky-barnes-hair.tumblr.com/post/176795418279/just-a-little-winterdevil-fic-idea-ive-been


	14. Now or Never

Matt steps in through the large doors of the church, his black shoes and his support cane click against the shiny tile, the sound echoing off the walls of the enormous one-story building. The acoustics in the church always does surprise him as he walks into the empty church.

He enjoys the quiet of the church before or after a service, when all who’s present inside the church is God and the individual who’s come to say a prayer in privacy.

Matt stops at the steps leading into the church upon hearing someone else is giving their confession to Father Lantom. And out of courtesy, Matt tries to focus his hearing on something else.

He focuses his ears and hears the elegant sound of holy water dripping from its gold plated dish and as it splashes gently into the golden pipes below, bringing it out to the large fountain set in the front of the church for all to marvel at.

He listens to the chiming of the church bells coming from outside; loud low pitched rings signaling the time.

Eleven o’clock.

After a few moments, the woman leaves the confessional and she seems to be in a rush leaving but Matt still gives her a polite hello as she passes him before walking towards the confessional himself.

Stepping inside, Matt closes up his support cane and places it to the side of him as he sits down in the confessional chair, folding his hands in laps.

"Bless me Father for I have sinned.” Matt begins. “It has been—huh—too long since my last confession.” He admits shamefully. “I feel as if I am being unfaithful to her, Father, because I’ve fallen for another.”

“Matthew.” Father Lantom says with a sigh. “I do not believe that falling in love with someone else, after the death of a previous lover, to be at all unfaithful.” He says.

“Then why does it feel so wrong, Father?”

“Matthew when you came to me telling me that you felt moving on from Elektra’s death was somehow abandoning her memory, what did I say to you?”

“That purgatory is a place for the dead, not the living.” Matt reiterates the words almost long forgotten from his lips.

Matt senses Father Lantom nodding along with him as he repeats what he’s been told before.

“Elektra would want you to move on Matthew, you mustn’t take the chance of finding love again for granted.”

“But how do I tell myself that it’s okay for me to move on?” Matt asks, tensing up.

“Love is a powerful force, Matthew. Greek philosophy believed that every person has someone for them, the word soulmate has been used to describe such a phenomenon, and I believe that the Greeks were definitely onto something with that theory.”

“Are you saying Elektra was my soulmate?” Matt asks almost in disbelief.

“I’m saying that she was your soulmate. And I emphasis the use of the word _was_.” He tells Matt. “I believe that some tweaks can be made to Greek Philosophy just as much as it can be made to the Bible and other important documents such as the Constitution.”

“So, then what does that mean, Father?”

Father Lantom sighs again before continuing.

“What I mean is that Elektra was your first love but this other person you’ve fallen for can be your second.”

Matt takes a moment to reflect on Father Lantom’s words.  Somehow, Father Lantom always knows the right thing to say to him.

“Some people can be born with more than one soulmate, Matthew, there is no shame in that.” He adds. “And Elektra loved you, and she would want you to be happy, since you are in no way being unfaithful to her, for falling in love with someone else.”

 “Thank you, Father, you’re wise words are always very helpful.” Matt says, relaxing a in his seat.

“I’m glad to help Matthew.” Father Lantom says.

Matt can hear the smile in Father Lantom’s tone growing before he says.

“So, now, tell me about him, Matthew.”

 

Matt realizes after a week of last minute texts from James saying, ‘something’s come up’, that James is definitely avoiding him.

But he knows that it’s okay because Foggy is more than likely correct on his theory that James just needs some space after the incident. So, Matt wait for the day when James texts him saying he’s ready to meet up again.

And when they do meet up again, Matt plans on telling James about his feelings for him. And though the fear of losing James is still present in the back of him mind, Matt knows that it’s okay now, to move on from loving Elektra because she would want him to.

 

It takes almost a month after Matt got injured for him to receive a message from James, asking to meet up. But because it’s not on their usual day, Matt’s a little worried that James wants to break off their friendship as a whole.

But Matt tries not to think too hard about that.

 

Matt touches down on the roof around nine o’clock on a cold Monday night in November. The wind picks up, causing Matt to shudder, and the dark clouds over head move fast from the steady speed of the night breeze. He remembers hearing on the news that it might snow tonight, marking the beginning of an early snow season for New York.

Matt takes a seat on the water barrel, probably already frozen over from the cold, and patiently waits for James to show up.

 

It’s around a quarter until ten when Matt hears the sound of metal grinding against metal and he picks up on the sound of James climbing up the fire escape on the side of the building. Matt stands up and turns around to greet James who’s made it up onto the roof with ease.

“Hey.” James greets. “It’s been awhile huh?”

“Yeah…”  Matt’s heart feels heavy in his chest.

James steps closer and relaxes a bit. Matt notices he’s got his hands in his jean pockets and he’s casually kicking at the ground with his foot with each step. He seems a little more standoffish than usual and Matt just hopes they can reconcile whatever is going on between them.

Matt doesn’t even care about his childish crush on James anymore, he just wants to be friends with him again.

“I was worried…that my stunt last month ruined…” Matt stops and clears his throat, stepping closer into James’ personal space. “I thought you were avoiding me.” He mutters.

James blinks at him and Matt can feel him tense up, preparing himself for a lie.

“I wouldn’t do that.” James tells him.

Mat senses that James’ heart is beating rapidly in his chest, his body temperature is warming up, and his limbs are shaking with nerves.

All clear signs that he is lying.

“I can tell when you’re lying.” Matt says, almost instantly regretting it.

James freezes in place and his heart stops. Matt can tell that what he’s said has scared James and he quickly tries to correct that error.

“I’m sorry, what I mean, it’s just, my abilities…” He stammers. “I can sense things that most people can’t.” He explains

“Like lying?” James asks, folding his arms over his chest.

Matt notices him stepping back, away from him and he sighs slightly in frustration and slightly in sorrow.

This isn’t supposed to be happening, at least not like this.

“James.” Matt says. “I’m sorry if what happened last month scared you, but I just want to fix whatever’s happened.”

“Nothing…nothing’s happened.” James says.

Matt gives him a hard look.

“You’re still lying.” He states.

James scoffs.

“Alright, alright okay, something did happen but it’s not because I was scared.” James says. “Or did your creeper powers pick up another lie?”

“James.” Matt says harshly.

“Devil.” James replies.

It’s silent for a moment.

Matt stares down James and James stares down Matt.

James sighs after a while, groaning under his breath in frustration.

“I left your place, worried as hell for you, of course I was fucking worried.” James stammers. “But I wasn’t avoiding you because I didn’t think I couldn’t handle your vigilantism. I can handle that just fine, you just don’t give me enough credit.”

It’s Matt’s turn to scoff now.

“Then what’s going on with you? I was worried about you too you know.”

“I—I was avoiding you because…”

“Because?” Matt presses.

“Because I thought that if I took some time to be away from you that my feelings for you would go away to keep out friendship intact.” James rushes out.

Did James just say that he has feelings for him?

James has feelings for him?

Matt is rendered speechless.

“Look, I understand if you’re uncomfortable now…” James begins. “I just hope we can stay friends, that’s all I really want anyway. And I won’t pressure you with my damn feelings either…” He says. “So, can we just forget—”

Matt cuts off James’ rambling by grabbing his wrist and pulling him in for kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 had to be split up into two chapters which is why this one is still in Matt's POV.
> 
> Also, if anything seems off during the church confession scene please tell me! My agnostic ass has gone to church maybe twice in my life, not including funerals and weddings, because my mom is a Catholic School veteran with severe ptsd because of Nuns and Catholicism as a whole and allowed my siblings and I the choice to be religious growing up so everything I know about my birth religious is stuff from the media and from research. 
> 
> Also, also Father Lantom is a priest living in 2018 New York, the man is badass and has said some hella dope shit that even I agreed with during the show, so of course the guy's going to be okay with LGBTQ+ people.
> 
> Also, also, also, we've got a confession and a first kiss!


	15. If Only

Feeling Daredevil's lips crash onto his, Bucky is understandably overwhelmed.

But he doesn’t stop the kiss, not yet at least.

Devil’s lips taste as sweet and as intoxicating as red wine and though they’re dry and cracked, Bucky finds them to be the most perfect pair of lips he’s ever had the pleasure to kiss.

But then the reality sets in.

He’s kissing Daredevil!

Daredevil kissed him first and now he’s not even kissing him back! He’s standing there frozen like a statue with his own lips motionless, like he doesn’t want it. Which is such a lie.

But Bucky’s flight or fight response starts to kick in because of a damn kiss!

Fucking PTSD ruins everything.

 

Bucky quickly pulls Devil away and steps back, breathless and wide eyed.

“Shit.” Devil mutters. “Sorry, I should—I should have asked first.”

“No—no, it’s—it’s fine.” Bucky assures him. “I just, didn’t know you felt the same way.”

Devil hums in response and then looks away, out towards the city before sighing.

“It’s quiet tonight.” Devil tells him.

Bucky blinks.

“Is it?” He asks, confusion settling in.

“It’s quiet tonight and maybe we shouldn’t talk in depth about this here…” He says, voice trailing off. “That is if you want to.”

Bucky swallows down the nerves infiltrating his body and nods.

“I want to talk about this.” He says.

Devil nods and extends his hand towards him. Bucky takes it, trusting Devil to take him to wherever it is he’s taking him.

If they’re talking about their feelings like a bunch of dramatic assholes in counseling, then maybe the kiss means that Daredevil wants something more with him. Maybe their strange friendship can evolve into a strange love.

 

Devil leads him into his house, Bucky knows that he’s just playing it off as just a safe house and so he doesn’t make it known he knows that it’s actually his apartment. But he won’t go snooping and he won’t try to seek out the apartment during the day either, he won’t break Devil’s trust in him like that.

Especially not now.  

As they walk into the front door, Bucky follows Devil down the stairs and Devil motions towards the couch, allowing Bucky to sit on it. Daredevil asks him if he wants anything to eat or drink and Bucky just asks for a water.

The walk and the kiss sort of sucked all the energy out of him and now he’s parched.

Devil soon brings him a bottled water and it seems he’s also grabbed one for himself. Bucky watches as Devil sits himself beside him and then asks him if he is comfortable once he’s seated.

“I’m good.” Bucky says, and Devil smiles. He then sighs. Bucky can tell that Devil wants to talk about things first. He wonders if there’s something more about the nature of the kiss. Maybe he actually didn’t mean to do it. But he seemed so sure earlier? Bucky just hopes the guy’s not just looking for some bedtime fun with him only.

But he knows Daredevil better than that.

Doesn’t he?

“Do you remember, three years ago, there were really bad earthquakes happening in New York?” Devil asks him. “They happened all over and were especially bad in Hell’s Kitchen, Harlem, Queens, Manhattan, and Brooklyn?”

Bucky swallows a sip of water and shrugs. He doesn’t remember it effecting him since he wasn’t here at the time. But he sort of remembers reading about it? Maybe?

Daredevil takes his own sip as he waits for Bucky to respond to his question.

“I wasn’t in the city then.” Bucky just says, figuring that answer would be the best answer given where he actually was at the time. “But I remember reading about it in the paper.” He tells him. “Lots of people got hurt…” Bucky places the water on the coaster on the coffee table and turns his attention back towards Devil.

“Well you see, they weren’t earthquakes.” Devil says which Bucky figures given the fact that New York seems to attract crime and super villains like a horse attracts flies.

Devil then goes on to tell him about the Hand; an organization eerily similar to Hydra, Bucky figures from the information he’s given. Devil tells Bucky about their plans, and how they brought the Defenders together just by being their mutual enemy. Devil also tells him about a woman named Elektra. He tells him how she sacrificed herself to save himself, to save the Defenders, and to finally defeat the Hand and save the world from their tyranny.

Bucky can tell there’s more to the story and more to Elektra then Devil is leading on.

“You loved her, didn’t you?” Bucky asks him, a heavy and crushing feeling growing in his chest.

“I did.” Devil confirms with sadness in his tone. “And I vowed to never again drag someone I love into this life. I don’t want to lose them like I lost her.” Devil tells him. “My friends are already in too much danger because of me…and…” Devil shuts himself up before he can finish.

Bucky watches as Daredevil stands up from his couch and walks into the kitchen. He stands by the kitchen counter and Bucky can hear him swearing under his breath.

“Devil.” Bucky says quietly from the couch. Unsure really what to do or say right now. He’s overwhelmed, and it seems like Devil is as well.

“I know you were dealing with your own feelings and such.” Devil continues, cutting off Bucky before he could even say what he wanted to say. “But being without you for a month? Well I found myself practically heartbroken because I wanted you around and you weren’t.”

Bucky feels like his heart wants to leap out of his chest. But he also feels guilty. But he’s happy that Daredevil has returned his feelings, he’s happy that he’s gotten to kiss him already too. It almost feels like it’s all just a dream.

“James.” Devil says gaining his attention back. “I overlooked my vow to not drag anyone else into this life when I befriended you.” 

Bucky stands up from the couch and turns towards Devil, staring at him with strained eyes, trying to get a good glimpse of the man standing in the pitch black kitchen.

Bucky walks around the couch, carefully stepping closer towards Daredevil.

“You won’t lose me like you lost Elektra.” Bucky assures him.

Daredevil scoffs and shakes his head.

“My friends have been shot and kidnapped because of me.” He says darkly, gloved fists clenching tightly. “The woman I loved died because of me.” Devil reminds him. “Hell, even my own father died because of me.” He hisses, voice cracking under all the emotion.

“Devil…” Bucky sighs, stepping closer towards him.

“And yet, I still, I find myself wanting you, whether it be as a friend or—or as something more.” He says.

Bucky reaches out his hand to Daredevil, who accepts it probably despite himself.

Bucky smiles and squeezes it reassuringly. He understands his struggle. He wants Devil too, but he doesn’t want to risk him getting hurt by his past or by Hydra.

“You’re a good man Daredevil.” Bucky tells him. “You try to help people and try to make this shithole of a world a better place.” He says. “But you didn’t hurt your friends or kill Elektra.”

He notices that Devil is startled by the statement.

“The assholes who want to try to make this world a worse place are the reason behind your friends’ pain and your pain.” Bucky states.

It’s silent between them for a moment and Bucky hopes that he hasn’t said anything wrong or too upsetting to Daredevil.

“I know I didn’t get a chance to say this on the roof, before dragging you back here…but I think—no—I know that I’m already falling in love with you.”

“We hardly know each other.” Bucky mutters in disbelief.

Having mutual feelings for each other is one thing.

But falling in love? Already? That’s got to be impossible, right?

“I know you’re favorite color is red.” Devil says with a small smile. “I know that your favorite fast food place is McDonalds, and I know that you’re hurting on the inside.” He adds the last part with a small frown but then his lips perk up and he looks at Bucky with a smile. “I also know that you probably have some super power that makes it so that you don’t need any sleep.” Devil chuckles.

Bucky laughs with him.

If only he knew how true that statement actually is.

Bucky squeezes Devil’s hand gently and feels Devil squeeze his hand back. It’s a comforting physical contact with actually very minimal physical contact compared to something like a hug or a gentle embrace.

“I’m like 98% sure that I love you too, you know…” Bucky sighs, and looks up from their touching hands. “But I don’t think…I can’t…I don’t want to…” He closes his mouth, biting his lip, unsure as what he wants to convey to Devil. He can’t exactly tell him that he’s in possible danger from a Nazi organization hell bent on world domination, can he?

“Only 98% sure?” Devil asks with grin so shit eating Bucky can’t help but laugh.

“You’re an asshole did you know that?” Bucky asks him.

“I’ve been called worse.” Devil tells him, chuckling lightly.

And it’s that exact comfort and ease that Bucky feels when he’s around Daredevil and when he’s speaking to him that made him fall for him so fast and so hard.

 

Devil then leans in closer and gently presses his lips onto Bucky’s. It’s gentler than the kiss he gave him on the roof and now Bucky has the opportunity to kiss him back.

Bucky pulls Devil in closer to deepen the kiss by wrapping his arm around his leather clad waist.

Devil is the one to break the kiss this time when they both need to breathe and Bucky smiles at him, breathlessly.

“I’m sorry, for breaking my promise.” Devil sighs.

“Can I be as brutally honest as you were earlier?” He asks, it’s his turn to speak now.

“Of course.” Devil tells him.

“I’ve never been in a relationship with another man before…” Bucky admits.

Even though he’s gay and has been gay since he figured it out when he was 20, he’s never been a gay relationship before. So, should he and Daredevil go that far, which he feels is the case, he needs Devil to know that he has zero experience in this department.

“I’ve been in the closet for years,” he continues. “Hell, I pretended to date girls in school when I was younger just to keep up the appearance I was straight to my friends and my family, so they wouldn’t suspect anything.”

Bucky looks down at the floor, hardwood with evident dark red blood stains etched into the mahogany brown flooring.

“I don’t usually date men either, Catholic guilt is a terrible thing.” Devil tells him.

Bucky laughs a bit at that.

So, he gets it too then.

But then again, Bucky hasn’t been a religious man since he stepped foot in a war torn Europe over 70 years ago.

Bucky frowns though and steps away from Daredevil, returning to his spot on the couch.

He doesn’t exactly know what to say now. So, what they both like each other? Where the hell do they go from here now?

Bucky runs his hands through his hair, desperately in need of a trim, and then rubs the palms of his hands against his eyes. All this talk has left him emotionally exhausted. He could use a nap about now. But he shakes the tired feeling off, so he can continue talking to Daredevil.

“I do love you Devil, but I’m so fucking terrified to do so.” Bucky admits quietly.

“You forget that I am too James.” Devil says, following him back to the couch.

“I want us to be something more than friends.” Bucky says. “And you don’t even have to reveal your identity if you don’t want to, I can date Daredevil if that’s what you want.” He sighs looking at Devil, who’s now sitting next to him again. “But you need to know that my scope on this is incredibly limited, I haven’t had a real relationship ever and I haven’t had to fake a relationship for years.”

“I understand.” Devil tells him. “We can go as fast or as slow as you want.” He assures.

 _Slow_.

He can do slow.

“Slow sounds good.” Bucky states, feeling a light and happy feeling bubbling in his chest.

“How’s this for a start then?” Devil asks, interlacing their fingers together.

“Perfect.” Bucky smiles at him and Devil smiles back.

They sit in the dim lit living room in silence for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and enjoying my fic! 
> 
> Since school's started my updating will be much slower and even more so that I'm nearly caught up with what I already have written. 
> 
> But do not fret! More shall come!
> 
> Also I wanted to know if yall would like a spotify playlist for these two? I'd share a link here and on tumblr with all the songs that I've used for the fic and will eventually use for the fic. So I guess, comment if you want me to make a winterdevil playlist lol.


	16. Light On

Almost a week after confessing their feelings to each other; Matt finds himself almost a little bit too happy to be putting on his costume after getting home from spending a couple hours at Happy Hour with Foggy and Karen at Josie’s.

But because it’s been a couple of days since he’s seen James and especially now that their relationship has changed; Matt knows that he only has so much time to spend with James until he gets called away tonight to put a stop to some mafia gang members from starting something and causing Hell’s Kitchen to go up in flames.

Matt leaves his apartment around 8:30, braving the cold of mid-November in nothing but a tight spandex costume. There’s a strong breeze whistling through the city and thick rain clouds covering the night sky, turning the color of the sky from a dark indigo color to dark silver-blue color. The moon and it’s light are completely covered, and the stars have dimmed significantly. For now, the only light in the city comes from the buildings and the vehicles still running from those who are still awake.

 

As Matt gets closer to the building he and James meet up on, he senses that James is already on the rooftop waiting for him. He can also tell, from his scent and his heart-rate that James is just as excited to see him as he is.

Climbing onto the roof through the fire escape, Matt is a little more cautious, so he doesn’t startle James when he arrives. As he walks quietly towards James, he can hear the music blasting through his headphones and can sense just how content James is.

It’s the most content Matt’s ever felt James.

Often, Matt wonders what pain caused James to be the person he is now. A man with so much anxiety and sadness looming over him that the bitter smell of fear and the heavy scent of depression is almost always present.

But Matt won’t push him. James doesn’t have to share anything from his past if he doesn’t want to.

Matt stops halfway on his way towards James’ sitting figure, upon hearing James singing along the song he’s currently listening to through his headphones. Matt feels, through the vibrations of the rooftop underneath him, that James’ foot is tapping along to the beat of the music.

Matt can only laugh fondly while listening to James singing silently.

Matt doesn’t immediately recognize the song, but the lyrics do ring a bell. From all his years crashing parties during college with Foggy, the early 2000’s punk-pop song is definitely familiar. And it doesn’t strike Matt as odd that that’s the genre James likes.

Matt doesn’t spend too much time listening in on James, knowing that he’s sensitive to Matt being—what he calls—a creep and continues walking towards James. He steps forward, adjacent to his seated body and bends down to place a kiss on top of James’ head.

James is startled for a second but then he takes off his headphones, stuffing them into his pockets without a care if they get tangled, and then looks up at Matt with a bright and warm smile.

“Asshole, do you always have to scare me when you show up later than I do?” He asks, shaking his head.

“I don’t do it on purpose, I swear.” Matt smiles. “You’re here pretty early anyway.” He says as he sits himself beside James. James’ head immediately falls onto his shoulder once Matt is seated next to him.

He’s like an overly affectionate kitten; feisty, cuddly, and absolutely adorable.

“Yeah…well my vigilante boyfriend might need a pep talk before going off to fight crime tonight.” James shrugs his shoulders lightly, raising his head has he does so and then placing it back on Matt’s shoulder once more.

Matt is slightly taken aback by the word but can’t help but smile.

If they are already at the boyfriend stage, then Matt has no problems with that.

“Is boyfriend a word you want to use?” Matt asks him, the happy feeling surging throughout his body fading only slightly so he can confirm with James that this is what he wants.

They are supposed to be taking things slow after all.  

“Well I’ve been told that’s the word the people use these days to describe the male individual that they are dating and are in love with.” James states and grabs ahold of Matt’s hand, interlocking their fingers together.

“That it is.” Matt says with a fond smile.

“Is it a word you want to use?” James asks him, uncertainty and unease wafting off him, his grip around his hand even loosens as a result.

“Yes, it is.” Matt assures him, squeezing James’ hand tightly.

He then pulls James closer and presses a quick and haphazardly placed kiss onto his lips.

Matt  feels James melt in his grasp and as he catches on, James kisses him back. Matt feels a very welcome electricity coursing all throughout his body as they continue to kiss.

It’s a little addicting to say the least.

When they pull away, Matt’s cheeks are flushed and James whole body is warm, which is a nice contrast to the icy cold of the night air around them.

“How was your week?” James asks, resting his head on Matt’s shoulder once more.

“Busy, my day job’s gotten busier than usual.” Matt tells him.

“I assume that’s a good thing?”

“It’s a pretty good thing actually, more clients usually means better pay.” He admits. “I also enjoyed some drinks with my coworkers before coming up here.”

“Is that why you taste like whiskey?” James chuckles.

“Yeah.” Matt says.

“I’m not much of a drinker really.” James says passively.

Matt senses that James’ anxiety spikes as he says that. And  though he wants to ask James if he has any issues with alcohol, so he can assure him that he’s not an avid drinker, he drops it for now.

They can talk seriously later. Matt doesn’t want to ruin the nice moment between them as of yet.

They’ve got a short enough window for hanging out already, he wants to keep things light-hearted for now.

The wind decides to pick up as the night continues. A stronger breeze passes through them like a whip and Matt feels James shivering beside him.

Next time, he’ll remember to bring him another jacket.

“Cold?” Matt asks.

“I’m good.” James tells him through chattering teeth.  

“Are you sure? Should I have to leave tonight, I don’t want to come back to see my boyfriend frozen over like a popsicle.”  Matt says. Maybe, now that winter is here, Matt should have James show up at his apartment instead. So that he’s inside and warm while waiting for him to get back from his duties as Daredevil.

“Hmm, you think I’d taste good?” James asks with a grin. But James’ teasing joke to cover his next sudden spike in anxiety doesn’t go completely unnoticed.

But too keep up with James’ teasing, Matt raises James’ hand, pulls back the sleeve of his hoodie and then licks the skin of his forearm.

James yells at him for licking him but Matt just laughs with James laughing along with him.

“Taste pretty good if you ask me.” Matt tells him through his laughter. “Sweet and salty, like peanut butter.”

“Well I did assemble some PB&J sandwiches before coming over.” James chuckles.

“Mmm, strawberry jam and wheat bread, right?”

“Yes? You got all that from just my arm?”

“Abilities.” Is all Matt has to say to explain himself.

“Right, you can sense things most people can’t.” James says. “So, like what does that all mean, like what all can you sense? If you don’t mind me asking?”

As Matt opens his mouth to speak and explain a little more in detail about his abilities, his attention is taken away from James when he hears footsteps coming up the ladder.

Matt senses that there are three sets of footsteps, and James quickly pulls away from him, the scent of fear growing around James’ person. It’s so strong that Matt almost can’t damper the smell naturally to focus on something else.  

But thankfully, Matt can calm James down. He stands up with James and places a gentle hand on his shoulder, assuring him that the people coming up aren’t a threat to them.

Shortly, Luke, Jessica, and Danny all show up, covered completely in their own ‘costumes’ to help hide their identities better. They’re no where near as dressed up as Matt, but they did decide to take one from his book and conceal their identities more than they had been previously.

“Hey Ma—ack—ah—uh… Maybe we should get a move on?” Luke sputters as he almost accidentally calls Matt by his first name. Thankfully he noticed James standing with him before he could make that mistake.

“What’s going on?” Matt asks his teammates.

“Iron Fist got a lead on that underground drug dealer, so we should act now while they least except it and before we lose them again.” Jessica says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Alright, just uh—ahem give me a moment, please?” He asks his friends.

Matt watches Jessica’s frown turn into a knowing grin while Danny just winks at him before they and Luke turn around to give Matt and James some privacy.

James chuckles as Matt pulls him in for a tight hug and then pulls away.

Holding James’ hands in his own, Matt brings up James’ right hand to place a kiss onto them.

“I gotta go.” He says.

“Go on and save the city, I’ll be here waiting.” James tells him, squeezing his hand tightly before releasing it to allow Matt to leave.

Matt just smiles at him and gives him James a kiss on his lips. He tastes like chocolate bars and sugary soda; and Matt wonders just how much junk food James eats daily.

The kiss lingers for a bit, and Matt can feel that James doesn’t want to pull away, but he lets go when Luke clears his throat interrupting them.

“See you in the morning.” Matt tells him, stepping away towards his friends.

“Stay safe!” James calls after him as he, Luke, Danny, and Jessica leave the rooftop to go after their latest adversary.

 

It’s a few hours later; after busting the underground drug dealers, that Matt is sitting with Luke, Jessica, and Danny on a park bench, eating McDonalds of all things, as a celebratory late night—early morning—meal. Matt even ordered something for James, since the man loves eating McDonalds for almost every meal despite how absolutely unhealthy it is for him.

They all eat in relative silence, worn out from going up against dozens of armed guards and dozens of completely out-of-it druggies. Thankfully, they were all a one-hit KO while the armed guards were harder to go up against. But they stopped the drugs from getting out to more people and they stopped the dealers from getting away with it, dropping them off right on the doorstep of the local police station with a very well written note attached to them, telling the cops exactly who they were and why they should be spending the rest of their lives in prison.

They even called Claire, so she could get the people affected by the drugs the medical care they so desperately needed.

Tonight, was a success to say the least.

“So, when did you and Sexy Sad Eyes become a thing?” Jessica asks, sparking up a conversation.

“James and I are relatively new.” Matt tells his friends,  who all seem to be very curious about his and James’ relationship, while also completely ignoring Jessica’s awful nickname she’s chosen for James.

Though he’ll have to give her some props for accuracy.

“How _new_ are we talking?” Luke asks.

“Not even a week.” Matt says.

“That’s so great Matt, we’re happy for you man!” Danny exclaims with a smile and then reaches over to steal some of Luke’s fries.

Luke doesn’t even look mildly offended at that. However, he does frown before asking,  

“And he’s okay with dating the mask and not the man behind the mask?”

“Matt Murdock is taken too,” Matt says quickly. He knows that that specific issue is what made Karen worry about his and James’ friendship and so now Luke has the same worry about their relationship. But there isn’t a need for his friends to worry. Because Daredevil is taken and in a relationship with James and so is Matt Murdock, even if James doesn’t know that is who he is under the mask.

“James just understands my need for my secret and isn’t pushing me to tell. And he hasn’t told me a bunch about himself either.” Matt states.

“Jess will just search him up later then, follow him around to get all the juicy details.” Danny points out with his mouth full.

So much for K’un-Lun dining etiquette.

“You better not Jessica.” Matt says, glaring in her direction.

“Nobody’s paying me to do it, so it isn’t happening.” She states. And before Danny has the chance to pipe up and say that he would pay her she adds, “Don’t worry Matty, your boy is safe.”

“But are you safe Matt?” Luke asks. “James could be anyone. What if he’s what’s left of the Hand? Or something worse? What if he wants to hurt you? Your friends? Or us?” He asks.

Matt can sense that Luke’s underlining worry isn’t necessarily for himself but for his multi-million dollar boyfriend. And Matt understands Luke’s worries and fears, but Matt also knows James.

If he really had an evil plot in store for the Defenders, he would have executed it by now.

“I wouldn’t trust him if my powers didn’t.” Matt states, hoping it’ll help Luke with his worry. “James is a good man. He’s pure of heart, and sure he’s got some issues he hasn’t necessarily disclosed with me yet, but he’s not a villain.”

“That’s good then.” Danny says. “It means that Matt finally has himself a special someone and that someone isn’t some evil mastermind, right?”

“Exactly that.” Matt assures.

“I trust you’re judgement then Matt.” Luke says with a smile.

“Great, because I’m too busy dealing with other clients to go after Tall-Dark-and-Handsome right now.” Jessica says with a slight smile, assuring Matt she won’t go looking up James’ whole life-story unless _he_ specifically asks her too himself.

Matt’s really lucky to have his friends supporting his new relationship with James.

 

Matt makes his way back to James by 4 AM and from the sidewalk, Matt can see that James has an electric lantern on, giving him some light for the night.

Climbing up onto the roof, Matt is careful not to drop the bag of food he bought for James, he just hopes it hasn’t gotten cold yet. James once told him that there’s nothing worse to eat than cold fast-food. So, he doesn’t want to disappoint.

Once Matt’s makes it on the rooftop, he walks towards James and notices that James is playing video games on his 3DS and mumbling about wanting to catch an Eevee.

Matt just chuckles and plops himself right next to his boyfriend, dropping the food into James’ lap and wrapping his arm around James’ shoulders, pulling him in close. Matt kisses his temple and James warms underneath him.

“How did things go?” James asks.

“Good, we got the bad guys.” Matt tells him.

“That’s good.” James smiles. “Thanks for the food by the way.” He says. “I ran out of snacks a couple of hours ago.”

Matt only hums and watches as James devours his food.

Matt’s eyes close for a moment, listening to James talk in between bites, and soon he finds himself unexpectantly dozing off.

 

Matt wakes up, feeling the bright morning sun warming his body and feeling James breathing softly next to him.

Matt figures that he dozed off too.

Matt doesn’t move yet, afraid that he’ll wake James up, but then James’ starts to stir. His eyes flutter open, long dark lashes batting gently against pale cheeks, and he yawns silently and stretches out his back since sleeping sitting up is probably not the soundest thing for either of them to do, since they are both men in their 30's.

“G’morning.” James mumbles.

“We fell asleep.” Matt chuckles.

“Hmmm, hope you’re not going to be running late to your day job.” James says as he takes out his cell phone. “It’s already 7:30.”

“It’s okay, I’m not supposed to go in until 10.”

“10? Nice working hours then.” James chuckles.

“Yeah,” Matt sighs. “Let’s stay up here for a bit, if you want.” Matt suggests. “It’s quiet, the sun feels nice and I just want some time alone with you, uninterrupted.” He admits.

“Of course.” James says and cranes his neck to give Matt a kiss on the cheek. “Hope you had a good nap then?”

“I slept great, hope you did too?”

“I might have to get my back and neck muscles checked for sleeping sitting up, but I’ll be okay.”  

“That’s good.”

James hums and smiles at him. Their hands intertwine, and Matt enjoys the time he has with James, thankfully, he’s got time to spend with James this morning, especially since their time last night was cut short.

Matt breathes in James’ happier and more relaxed scent and smiles, not wanting for this moment to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! Thank you all for the comments and support! You're all so amazing! I love you guys!
> 
> Also here's the link to my winterdevil spotify playlist! Each song corresponds with the title and chapter tile of this fic and so some chapter titles are already on there lol. It's a wip playlist like this fic.
> 
>  
> 
> [PLAYLIST](https://open.spotify.com/user/8p7q6x7lwkhsvw3opoebxku39/playlist/5n6lAhjhTj5LXFaVekpa4v?si=NUgEt-skRdyQ4DgZQNl1MA)
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy!~
> 
> Also I edited the summary to make it flow better? Or at least tried to lol. 
> 
> Also, also, for yall still reading this, I'm gonna try my damnedest (spelling what is that) to keep updates weekly. So yeah, hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	17. The Last of the Real Ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some Trigger Warnings in this chapter that include self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and eating disorders!
> 
> Read at your own risk!

Drenched from spending all night out under the snow and stars with Daredevil, Bucky slowly sneaks back into the Avengers Tower, 10 minutes just after 4 AM.

The first thing he does as he enters the first floor of the Tower is greet JARVIS and assures the AI that he’s made it back home okay.

“Good to see you this morning Sergeant Barnes.” He says. “Shall I inform Captain Rogers of your return?”

“He’s already awake?” Bucky asks, shaking his head in slight disbelief.

“He and Sir were up late last night wedding planning.” JARVIS says, and Bucky is almost certain he can hear the smile and pride in the bot’s voice when talking about Tony and Steve together.

Bucky feels it too. He’s happy that Steve’s found someone as equally dysfunctional and stubborn as he is. They’re meant to be together and definitely deserve each other. 

“Sure, JARVIS, but tell him that I’m going back to my room to take a power nap before my appointment later today.”

There’s a pause as JARVIS relays the message back to Steve.

“Captain Rogers says he hopes you have a good nap.”

“Tell him I said thanks.” Bucky says, walking towards the elevator.

After taking the elevator up to the main floor, Bucky carefully walks back into his bedroom, quiet so that he doesn’t wake any of the others.

He takes off his shoes, gloves, and his hoodie before landing face first onto his bed.

Pulling the covers over his body, Bucky closes his eyes, hoping that he’ll have better dreams than he’s used to having.

 

A loud knock on the door wakes him up from his sleep.

“Bucky, come on, wake up! Bruce and Thor are making breakfast today!” Clint’s voice shouts through his closed bedroom door.

Bucky groans, and rolls over onto his stomach.

He would prefer laying down in bed all day. But then again, Bruce and Thor make damn good pancakes together.

Slowly, getting into the push-up position, Bucky raises himself on his arms and then pushes himself into a sitting position on his bed.

Throwing his legs over the side of the mattress, Bucky slowly stands up, yawning and stretching his arms over his head.

Bucky takes a moment to wake up, blinking his eyes a few times, before he goes towards the door. When he opens the door, he’s face-to-face with Steve standing in front of him with his right hand raised, like he was about to knock on the door.

“Good you’re awake.” Steve says with a smile. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

“I know, Clint came by to tell me.”

“Is that who was yelling?” Steve chuckles.

Bucky stifles a laugh behind the palm of his hand and walks beside Steve towards the kitchen.

Even though the Avengers Tower has well over enough room for everyone to have their own floors, they all seem to prefer living on one floor, which is definitely spacious enough for all of them to live on. Though they do each have a floor in the tower to go to, so they can get some alone time sometime, they all still prefer to live closer together.

Bucky’s private floor is on the 17th floor, which happens to be right under Steve’s floor—a coincidence according to Tony—but Bucky thinks that’s not the case given how smart Tony is.

Bucky usually goes up to his own floor when he’s feeling really down. When the depression keeps him from waking up or going to bed on time. He stays on that floor when he wants to take a knife to his skin or a bullet to his brain. He stays on that floor when all he wants to do is eat his feelings in multiple servings of Alfredo pasta and dozens of frozen bags of pizza rolls and laze around in his room watching or rewatching crime dramas and family comedies because at least those things spark some life into him when he feels like he’s better off dead.

But when he can function, which has been happening more often now, Bucky stays on the communal floor; either in the living room, kitchen, or his bedroom, usually hanging out with one or more of the other Avengers living in the Tower.

 

Bucky takes a seat beside Steve and Sam, bending over the table to rest his arms and head on the table top.

“Looks like Sleeping Beauty is awake.” Tony says as he sits down next to Steve. He leans over to give Steve a sweet kiss on the cheek and Steve throws his arm over Tony’s shoulder, pulling him in to kiss him on the temple.

Bucky smiles and hums, too tired to really respond to Tony with a witty comment.

“So, I was thinking, we could get manicures at the mall today.” Natasha says as she bends over and rests her upper body on top of Bucky’s back.

The woman has no sense of personal space. But Bucky doesn’t mind. She’s the closest thing he has to a daughter and he’s the closest thing that she has to a father. They were close back in the day and though they had drifted apart, like he and Steve had, they’re closer now than they ever could be in the Red Room.

“Clint’s in, Thor’s in, and Tony’s in, so unless you guys have something against it, you better be prepared to hold all our things.” Natasha states happily.

“Guess that means Steve and Bruce are on bag duty.” Bucky chuckles, feeling Natasha’s weight move with him.

“I don’t mind.” Steve shrugs. “Tony likes it when I carry heavy things for him.” He says with a playful wink. Tony just looks scandalized and everyone laughs.

The mornings before his therapy appointments aren’t as dreadful as they used to be. Not since the team implemented a mandatory ‘Treat Yourself Day’ following his therapy sessions which usually consisted in mani-pedis, haircuts, messages, spas, shopping, and eating out at fancy restaurants or famous fast-food joints.

But before getting close with the team, Bucky hated the mornings before his therapy appointments. He hated them even more when he still had to see specialist after specialist for his multitude of other issues that occurred after escaping Hydra.

He developed an eating disorder because he spent years being fed nothing but protein shakes and blended high carb, high fat, concoctions to keep his body somewhat functional during missions.

He also developed non-life threatening seizures, now mostly not an issue anymore with the medication he’s on, after all those years of getting his brain fried with thousands of bolts of electrical currents in between missions.

Bucky could make a thousand lists with points 1-100 and each detailed A-Z with all the issues he developed from Hydra and the aftermath. But he already did that with his therapist and she’s a one and done sort of gal anyway.

“Bucky, you good?” Steve asks gently, pulling him out of his head. Bucky nods and sits up, knocking Natasha’s weight off his back and shoulders. Slightly annoyed she was shoved off; the red-haired cat takes a seat in her boyfriend’s lap instead. Since, of course, she can’t sit in a chair properly.

“I’m thinking of getting color this time.” Natasha says. “You could get a pretty shade too James, something with a weird and clever name.”

“Oh, something bright and flashy like: Kiss Me on My Tulips.” Clint says with a smile before getting Natasha’s lips smacked onto his.

“Alright kids, settle down, breakfast is ready.” Bruce says as he comes over to the table with a huge plate of pancakes. “We got eggs and sausage links coming up too.”

“Thanks Bruce.” Bucky says quietly. Bruce gives him a smile and then they all dig in.

Sam talks about his anniversary plans with Rhodey in between bites while Clint and Natasha eat off each other’s plates and Thor and Bruce read the newspaper together, Bruce even takes the time to explain Midgardian concepts foreign to Thor, so he’ll understand the context about what’s being said in the paper.

It’s all way too domestic but Bucky doesn’t mind. He enjoys a lot of the days just as well as the nights, even without Daredevil being by his side to enjoy it with him.

 

Bucky walks into Dr. Capell’s office with his hands in his pockets and coat zipped up completely. He was practically shivering sitting out in the waiting room earlier. But thankfully, Dr. Capell keeps her office at a decent temperature.

_Fuck the cold._

“James; how are you?” Dr. Capell asks, grinning wide in his direction.

In another life, Dr. Capell would have been one of the many women Bucky would have fake dated to keep up his ‘straight’ façade.

She’s a beautiful woman; tall with curves like that of a goddess, she’s in her mid-40’s, with long dark brown hair curled naturally and hanging down her shoulders, bright amber eyes, sun-kissed and flawless skin, and a warm smile tinted with a dark shade of reddish-purple lipstick—like the color of fresh blueberry juice.  

“I’m pretty good.” Bucky admits sheepishly.

“That’s good, I’m glad.” Dr. Capell says. “Here, have a seat.” She motions towards the dark blue chair-couch hybrid sitting in front of her own chair.

Bucky sits down on the chair and stuffs his hands underneath his thighs, so that he’s sitting on top of them and waits for Dr. Capell to speak.

“How has the past two weeks been for you James?”

“Pretty good.” He responds.

“Is there anything in particular you want to talk with me about?” Dr. Capell asks as she sits back in her own chair, and allows herself to get comfortable for the next hour they have together.

“Uh, not that I can think of?”

“Hmm…”

Bucky bites his bottom lip and swallows down some nerves.

“I uh, guess the nightmares a kind of still kicking my ass more than I would like them to.” He admits.

“Is that why you’ve kept up on your nightly walks?”

Bucky frowns.

“Steve wanted you to ask me about that huh?”

“He’s concerned for you James.” Dr. Capell says gently. “He’s brought it up with me at our previous sessions, but I hadn’t brought it up because I didn’t think they were anything harmful to you and I wanted to see how you were feeling after continuing these walks you’ve been taking at night.”

“And? What have you figured out Doc?” Bucky asks, folding his arms over his chest.  

Of course, Steve told on him he’s been known to do it in the past. Last year when he found out about Bucky’s less than safe coping mechanisms he had to have a long session with Dr. Capell, Steve, and the rest of their friends about the horrors of self-harm and how in what ways he could get over doing it.

Though, Bucky will admit, he’s better off not hurting himself than when he had been a year ago.

“Well I’ve figured out that your mood has definitely improved since Steve brought up the frequency of your walks and so I’m fairly curious as to what else you’re doing on those walks.” Dr. Capell states, crossing her legs and giving Bucky a small smile.

“I’d say it’s none of your business, if it wasn’t you’re job to know my business.” Bucky says, jaw clenched.

Dr. Capell stifles a tiny laugh and give Bucky a pair of caring eyes he can open up to.

He wonders what color Daredevil’s eyes are underneath his mask.

Coughing slightly and then sitting up, Bucky bites his bottom lip, wondering what feedback Dr. Capell will have to tell Steve about what he says here today. He knows some minor things don’t get back to him, but the major stuff ultimately does since Steve’s more-or-less his caregiver now, even if it’s been two years already.

How the tables have turned.

Bucky also figures his annoyance with Steve’s Mother Henning is just karma biting him in the ass after having had been such a Mother Hen to Steve over the years.

“Promise you’ll keep this one between us? Even if you think you should tell Steve?”

“James, as long as whatever you are doing isn’t an immediate harm to yourself or anyone else, I don’t have to say a word.” She assures him.

“I—I guess, well…maybe…I’ve sort have been seeing someone?” He doesn’t know why it comes off as a question. Since he knows for a fact his relationship with Daredevil is genuine.

“Seeing someone? As in dating someone?” Dr. Capell’s eyes light up and a smile grows upon her lips.

“Yeah…he’s great.” Bucky tries not to shudder as he swallows down the ball of fear lingering in his stomach. He’s never really admitted to anyone he’s gay. Just only Daredevil.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Dr. Capell says, not reacting at all to his semi-official coming out.

“Yeah…and I know getting a boyfriend doesn’t cure me of every fucking thing I have, but it’s nice, you know, having someone to love and who loves you back. He’s a great guy, and really fun to hang out with and yeah…” Bucky says, mouth now word-vomiting to Dr. Capell, which is her intention for him anyway, and she somehow always gets him to do it every session.

He blames her smile for making him weak.

“He sounds nice.” Dr. Capell says. “But why do you feel the need to keep him a secret, James?”

Bucky purses his lips together in a fine line, sighing lightly when Dr. Capell repeats her question by rewording it.

“I—I guess, I just like that he doesn’t know about who I am…” He admits. “He doesn’t know about my past and I really like that…we’re not complete strangers though, we just don’t pry.”

“He doesn’t know about Hydra? The Winter Soldier? None of that?”

“No, nothing.”

“Starting a relationship like that isn’t the right thing to do James.” Dr. Capell says sadly.

“I don’t know much about him either…” Bucky says before thinking about not saying exactly that. Now Dr. Capell might actually tell the others about the truth behind his nightly walks.

“James, care to elaborate?”

Bucky swallows and groans under his breath.

“The guy I’m dating, he—I don’t know who he is because—.”

“Because?”

“Are you familiar with the Defenders?”

“The other group of super heroes protecting the world?”

“They’re a bit more local than the Avengers ma’am.” Bucky chuckles half-heartedly.

Dr. Capell clears her throat and Bucky sighs.

“He’s one of the Defenders, and they all have secret identities, and I don’t mind really, we both have secrets and I’m okay with that, so is he by the way. We had a long conversation about this before we began dating Dr. Capell, since I know how much you love healthy conversation and discussion.”

She smiles a bit at that.

“It’s a bit unorthodox that’s for sure.” She says.

“My mood’s improved since meeting him, you said so yourself.”

“That is true, and I’m exceptionally glad you’ve already acknowledged that a relationship won’t fix you’re problems.”

“But he helps, even if he doesn’t know about them.”

“So, then what’s the real reason you don’t want to show him off, since obviously you’re not ashamed to be with him?”

Bucky frowns and thinks for moment.

“Honestly, I think, it’s because I like that he doesn’t know me, he’s the first page of a brand new journal, someone who doesn’t except me to be me as I was or anyone else. I can just… _be_.”

“That was very poetic James.” Dr. Capell tells him. “But, you’ve already sort of told me that reason earlier, so I do believe there’s one more reason, isn’t there?”

Sometimes, he really hates how much she knows him.

“My friends don’t know I’m gay.” He admits.

“I see.”

“I just, I know they’re not going to be hateful or anything, since the only ones in a heterosexual relationship are Clint and Natasha, but I guess it goes back to that expectations issues…”

“We did have an extensive discussion about that when we first started our sessions; you were scared that you weren’t ever going to be your old self and didn’t want to upset Steve.”

Bucky nods, frowning more.

“Steve expects me to be this womanizer since I hid being gay so well back in the day…I just don’t want to keep disappointing him.”

“You’re not disappointing anyone James.” Dr. Capell tells him. “Though you are allowed to have your own things and your own cliques, those things won’t hurt Steve. He just wants to see you happy and thriving.”

“I just hate that I’m not who I’m supposed to be.”

“But you are though.” Dr. Capell tells him.

“Wh—what do you mean?”

“What I mean is, you are you, James, trauma or no trauma people change their likes and dislikes, ways of thinking, personality, and other aspects of themselves over time. And sometimes even for the better. And your changes in personality, abilities, traits, whatever, doesn’t make you any less you.”

Bucky takes a moment to think about Dr. Capell’s words.

She’s not wrong, he figures.

“I guess, maybe it’s still difficult to accept then…”

“I think you should talk about it with Steve, you don’t have to tell him anything about why you go on your walks or who you’re dating, but let him in, tell him how you’re feeling James and maybe come out to him if you’re comfortable, I think he’ll appreciate it and will definitely be accepting as well.”

“And you wont say a word to him? I want to keep Daredevil to myself, just for a little while longer.” Bucky admits shyly.

“Of course, James, like I said, as long as you aren’t in any immediate danger then I don’t have to say a word.”

“So, you’re on the side for vigilantism?”

“I just think that out of all the people you could have chosen, you chose someone who puts safety and good morals first, even if it’s not a completely lawful approach at doing so.”

“He’s got a complex…” Bucky says with a chuckle.

“Tell me more about him, I’m curious as to how you two met.”  Dr. Capell says with a wide grin and Bucky returns her grin, starting from the beginning when he met Daredevil in that dark alley that fateful night.

 

After Bucky’s appointment and after the team’s mandatory ‘Treat Yourself Day’ Bucky finds himself feeling better than he’s ever felt after a day at therapy. Bucky decides that he’ll talk with Steve tomorrow, and hopefully then Steve won’t continue his persistent worrying about his nightly walks. He’ll just accept them as they are, nightly walks.

And as the night begins to fall, Bucky excuses himself to his bedroom so that he can get ready to go out again to meet up with Daredevil tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again! I really appreciate everyone reading my fic! It's means a lot to me! 
> 
> So, Bucky went to therapy today lol. I took a lot of elements from my own therapy sessions and used them here. Depression sucks squad where yall at? Also my therapist OC, Dr. Capell, is actually an homage to my grandmother who died before she could obtain her bachelor's degree in psychology in the 60's. 
> 
> I'm also so sorry for not being able to post last weekend; illness, school work (15 units baby, full load), and job searching sucks ass!
> 
> Disclaimer:
> 
> I'm like really bad at binge watching, not my forte, so this story will stay spoiler free for both Iron Fist Season 2 and Daredevil Season 3. Should anything I write actually be a spoiler for either or both shows, let it be known that it's unintentional and I'm just a damn good guesser/have a lot of luck predicting story and plot elements. 
> 
> Also if you haven't gotten a chance to listen to the playlist, here's another link to it. This title's song is LITERALLY the winterdevil theme song yall. You have to listen to it!
> 
> WinterDevil


	18. House of Memories

Steve watches from the corner of his eye as Bucky excuses himself to bed, leaving Steve and the others in the living room without him.

Natasha is curled up in Clint’s lap on the love-seat in the far corner of the room. Sam is sitting on a pillow on the floor, along with Thor and Tony, while he deals them each five cards as they proceed on another round of Poker. And Bruce is seated on the three-seater couch, his glasses on, and a book titled _The Martian_ , in his hands.

“So, what did Dr. Capell say about his walks?” Sam asks him from the other couch.

Steve frowns at Sam’s question and then throws his head back against the back of the couch and groans.

“Nothing then I assume?” He says with a knowing smile.

“She said that they talked about it and that it wasn’t something I needed to worry about.” He says lightly, suppressing the frustration growing in his chest. If he’s not careful he’ll have to spend the whole night in the gym working it off.

“So then don’t worry about it.” Bruce states. “If he’s not hurting himself or anyone else, maybe it’s for the best you don’t worry about him so much Steve.”

“But I do worry Bruce.” Steve tells him.

“And that’s okay Steve.” Sam says, interrupting Bruce, who’s starting to look a little green around the veins on his neck. “Worrying about Bucky is okay, but if his doctor says he’s okay, then take that as an opportunity to worry less.”

“If the lovely Dr. Capell says that his walks aren’t an issue then James mustn’t be doing anything harmful to himself or to others.” Tony points out, carefully shoving a stack of blue poker chips into the center of the coffee table between himself, Thor, and Sam.

Sam huffs lightly and puts in a pile of blue chips equal to Tony’s, plus one.

Thor, still ultimately clueless on the rules of poker, shoves all his poker chips into the pile, earning some flabbergasted glances from both Tony and Sam.

“But he’s going out every night and refuses to say anything, doesn’t that seem suspicious at all?” Steve asks.

Tony asks Sam for two more cards and Sam takes three for himself while Thor only takes one.

Sometimes Thor is so bad at poker that he’s good.

And from Steve’s angle, he can tell that Thor either really knows what he’s doing or is just that clueless to the rules and the objective of the game.

“Steve,” Natasha says earning his attention. “Just listen to your gut, do you really believe that James could be in any danger at all going out tonight?”

“Y—”

“Think before you speak, Rogers.” Clint cuts him off.

Steve just rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest.

Maybe he really is being too worrisome? Maybe even borderline controlling with his attitude towards Bucky going out at night. He’s not his parent, his care giver—at least not anymore—and he most certainly is not Bucky’s handler.

Steve shudders at the thought of being anything like Hydra was in regards to Bucky’s freedom.

“Well?” Clint says.

“I guess not…” Steve says.

“There, problem solved.” Natasha states.

Steve sighs, relaxing just a bit, watching as Tony, Sam, and Thor’s poker game continues.

Tony puts down his cards, showing off his hand of two Jacks, winking towards Steve playfully.

Sam only grins as he shows his hand, a Full House consisting of 8’s and 3’s.

Thor doesn’t smile or say anything, just places his hand onto the table, asking if what he had meant anything.

Bruce, puts his book down and peers over Thor’s shoulder, pushing his glasses up with his forefinger and then barking out a laugh.

“I presume that laugh means that I got something good?” Thor asks.

“Baby, you got a Royal Flush, that’s the highest win you can get in Poker.”

Thor grins happily at his win and carefully gathers his winnings onto his side of the coffee table.

“Please tell me you’re not playing with real money?” Steve asks them.

“Unfortunately, yes.” Sam groans.

“I think you need a poker buddy Sam.” Clint says. “Otherwise you’ll be losing all your money to Thor.” He chuckles.

They all laugh at this and Steve wishes Bucky would have stuck around to share in the moment.

 

As the night draws on, Steve goes from having accepted Bucky’s walks as not harmful to wondering if he should just follow him, find out what he needs to find out, and then never bring it up once he figures out where he goes every night.

Carefully throwing the covers off his body, Steve bends over to kiss Tony’s sleeping figure on the cheek before exiting the bedroom.

Steve quietly asks JARVIS if Bucky’s left yet, it still being relatively early in the night, he hopes he can catch up in time.

“I really shouldn’t be disclosing—”

“Override, code 61600.” Steve says steadily, feeling slightly guilty for using his privileges with the override codes for something like this.

“Sergeant Barnes left approximately 13 minutes and 10 seconds ago. He was heading—”

“Steve!”

Steve whips his head around to face Tony standing in front of him, frowning, and his arms crossed over his chest.

_Damn._

“Steve, you’ve really got me worried now.” Tony says sadly. “Look, I know Bucky means a lot to you, and I know you worry about him, and I know you just want him to be healthy and safe but going behind his back and using JARVIS’ override codes is not the way to get answers.”

“But—”

“Steve, honey, sometimes I think your heart is far too big for that pretty little head of yours.” Tony sighs, shaking his head.

Steve frowns, he can remember his mother telling him something similar when he was younger;

_Your heart’s too big for your body_ _A leanbh._

 

Steve shakes his head to push the memories of his mother aside for the moment.

“And what do you propose I do Tony?”

“Come back to bed and talk to Bucky in the morning.”

Steve knows that’s the logical thing to do, but he’d rather go after Bucky just to get the answers he needs.

“Steve, please.” Tony sighs. “If I hadn’t stopped you before, you would have left and encountered Barnes halfway to his destination, wherever it may be, and the two of you would have fought in some dirty alley in New York like it was the 1930s again. And I know you don’t want to fight him, so just let him be Steve. Talk to him when he gets home in a few hours and then allow him his own chance to heal. Lord knows he’s got a lot of that to do.”

And yet again, Steve realizes how right Tony is and wants nothing more than to punch something. But he suppresses that urge, realizing that maybe he is being a little bit irrational.

Some may think that his and Tony’s relationship is one way, that Steve is the rational and composed one of their relationship—especially given Tony’s celebrity past of drinking, drugs, and partying. But in reality, Tony is his rock, the logical one, and the angel on his shoulder keeping him from doing something stupid every five minutes.

It’s the reason Tony is the unofficial—at least in the public eye—team leader.

Steve feels the frustration melt off his body and he immediately steps closer and throws his arms around Tony’s shoulders, bringing his fiancé in for a tight hug.

Steve does want to know what’s up with Bucky, but he doesn’t want to fight him or force it out of him.

At least not anymore.

Or at least, not until he has some sort of physical proof that Bucky is in danger.

“What did you do, when you got back from Afghanistan?” Steve asks, pulling away from the hug a few moments later.

Steve can remember walking in on Tony and Bucky talking about their imprisonment over a  couple bottles of whiskey one night. He remembers eavesdropping, not wanting to interrupt the progress they were making on their friendship, given their first encounter wasn’t the most ideal. He remembers how eerily similar their situations were as they shared the stories about their battle scars, old wounds reopening because of the influence of alcohol in both their systems. More Tony’s than Bucky’s, but both of them were raw that night, on the 25th year anniversary of Tony’s parents death.

“I perfected my Iron Man armor and helped the people my stolen weapons were hurting.”

“I mean after…”

“Before or after I picked myself off my whiskey and piss puddled floor?” Tony asks.

Steve doesn’t have to answer that before Tony continues.

“I joined the Avengers, saved the world from disgusting looking alien creatures and met my true love.” Tony snickers at the end, bringing about a tiny half smile to Steve’s lips.

“Now I’m not saying your boy met his soulmate or anything, but at least he’s past the self-hatred and wallowing stage of his recovery, right?”

“I guess you’re right.” Steve sighs.

“I’m always right Captain, I figured you’d have that down by now, especially with the wedding coming up.” Tony grins.

Steve can’t help but smile either.

“I guess I need a reminder then.”

“That’s my boy.” Tony says, taking Steve’s hand.

Steve allows Tony to take him back to bed. He’ll have to trust him that he’s right about Bucky. He’ll just have to find a way to broach the subject to him again without getting the cold shoulder. He’s brought it up enough that Bucky gets defensive about it and then becomes closed off when Steve forces himself to drop the matter.

He won’t let that happen next time. He’ll have to have a real talk with Bucky and he hopes he can get it done soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been awhile. Sorry, but like my brain and heart decided to dive dick first (I don't even have a dick wtf) into about 14 years worth of Criminal Minds fanfiction on AO3 and I have like 100 regrets because of it xD
> 
> Criminal Minds fans where you at?
> 
> So now I'm back on my Marvel shit, since I ran out of Criminal Minds episodes to watch and fanfics to read xD
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I told yall we'd get to hear from Steve soon and now we have. So I wonder what's gonna happen next?
> 
> Also also, my tumblr account was terminated during the blog purge this week and so everything is gone and I'm like really upset about that. Especially since this fic's playlist and moodboard was on there with 60+ notes.


	19. Heavy

Matt smiles as he walks beside Foggy and Karen, his black leather shoes shuffling against the powdery snow underneath the dark and cloudy night sky. According to Foggy’s incredibly detailed description of the sky there is not a star in sight and the clouds look daunting, like waves of dark matter rolling over the horizon consuming every bright star in its path.

Though Matt can’t see how haunting the sky looks tonight, he can imagine that, because of the wet air around him, the clouds are heavy with water, that is ready to be released onto the busy streets of New York.

It’s a wonderful night despite the cold. It’s the perfect end to an incredibly stressful yet extremely rewarding week. Nelson and Murdock put away a man guilty of sexually assaulting every little league baseball team he’s coached in the Bronx area, giving just a little closure to the victims and their families.

But because of this trial, Matt has not been able to see James, since he has been spending all his time working on the trial as lawyer Matthew Murdock.  

Matt feels a sudden depress in his mood as he thinks about James. Sure, he’s been texting him all this week, giving him updates on work without revealing too much as well as receiving very motivational memes from James’ end of the conversation. But it’s different from getting to visit him.

He misses James greatly and so his stride picks up in speed, forcing his friends to keep up with him as they head towards Karen’s apartment to drop her off for the night.

“Slow down Matt!” Foggy calls after him.

Matt realizes he’s sped up so much that he finds himself standing alone in the snow, waiting for Foggy and Karen to catch up to him. He’s not too far ahead, but his eagerness to get to the rooftop with James has put a distance between himself and his friends.

“Sorry.” Matt says sheepishly. “I got a little lost in thought.”

Matt feels Karen chuckle to herself before she says,

“So, Jessica had some interesting things to say this afternoon.”

Matt’s eyebrows rise slightly, curious as to what Jessica and Karen could have possibly been gossiping about earlier today.

“Like?” Matt urges.

“Like how you and James are together now.” Foggy butts in, sensing the heat from Foggy’s smiling cheeks.

“Uh, yeah, we are.” Matt sputters.

He had completely forgotten about telling Foggy and Karen about himself and James. Though they haven’t been together longer than a month, Matt has yet to tell his friends about his relationship. Especially since they were the ones to help him confess his feelings for James aloud.

“We’re happy for you man.” Foggy says, clasping his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “We just wish you said something sooner.”

“It sort of slipped my mind really.” Matt admits, kicking at the small pile of snow at his feet.

“We’re just really glad you’ve found someone again.” Karen says with a kind smile.

“Thank you.” Matt says, returning the smile.

Matt’s really happy and lucky that he’s got such understanding and accepting friends. He feels better knowing they’re okay with his relationship with James. Even if they haven’t formally met each other yet. Despite that incident over a month ago when Matt got hurt and when Jessica, Luke, and Danny had brought James to his apartment, they all told him that James barely spoke to them before Matt woke up. And once Matt had woken up and while he was in and out of consciousness, James was by his side for the rest of his stay, uttering very few words to Matt’s friends the entire time.

Matt and Foggy reach Karen’s apartment and they bid each other good night, exchanging warm hugs in the frosty night air.

“See you both on Monday.” Karen says as she walks away from them.

“See you Karen.” Foggy calls.

Matt and Foggy stay outside Karen’s apartment building in silence as Matt listens to Karen walk up the stairs of the building. She reaches the 6th floor and unlocks her many locks of her apartment before safely making it home.

“She get home okay?” Foggy asks as they both take the first step towards Foggy’s apartment.

“Yeah, she’s home safe.” Matt says, extending his bent arm towards Foggy. Foggy hooks his hand underneath is elbow and Matt allows Foggy to lead the way.

Sure, Matt doesn’t need Foggy to hold his hand as they walk in the snow together, but he’s not opposed of the idea. It’s his and Foggy’s oldest form of contact in their friendship and Matt enjoys letting Foggy lead them wherever as he describes the scenery out in front of them.

As they walk along the snowy path, Matt listens to Foggy’s voice telling him about the date he’s recently had with Frank Castle. Foggy’s voice always lowers when he mention’s Franks name, as if he’s worried about someone overhearing him talking about the Punisher. The media still remembers how they—Nelson and Murdock—tried to represent him in a court of law, but now that the two of them are together, Foggy and Frank try to keep their relationship as hush-hush as possible.

Matt wonders if James has ever mentioned to his friends, who he has talked about to Matt in passing, that he’s dating the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

“Hey Mattie, we’re here.” Foggy says as he stops them in front of Foggy’s apartment building.

Matt shakes his head, drawing himself away from his thoughts.

In earshot, four floors above them, Matt can hear the TV on in Foggy’s apartment and the steady heartbeat of Frank on the couch. He’s watching Chopped on the Food Network.

It’s almost amazing how domestic the Punisher can be.

“You’ve got a visitor by the way.” Matt says with a smile.

Foggy grins wide and throws his soft arms around Matt’s shoulder, giving him a friendly pat on his back before he lets go.

“See you later Matt.” Foggy says and Matt waves in the direction of Foggy, waiting for him to finish walking up the steps and into his apartment building before taking off into the nearest alley.

 

Matt shows up on the roof later, dressed in his winter friendly Daredevil costume. He doesn’t feel James’ presence on the roof yet, so he takes a seat on the nearest ledge of the roof. His legs dangle from the side.

Cracking the muscles in his neck, Matt can hear the whole city below him. Bustling and loud, despite how late at night it is. He can hear cars driving bumper to bumper in the near impossible New York traffic, he can hear the shuffling of shoes in the snow, he can hear the noisy whistling of the wind running through the air, and he can hear a couple of stray dogs barking at an alley cat perched on top of the lid of a closed dumpster.

Matt can also smell the many varying scents wafting in the chilly winter air around him. He can smell the tangy tomato sauce simmering in a pot at the nearest Italian restaurant, he can smell the full alley dumpsters filled with multiple days’ worth of garbage buildup, he can smell the smog from the running cars, and he can smell crisp snow falling from the cloudy skies above him.

 

As the time passes, Matt wonders if the destruction of the city nearby and the construction led by Stark Industries’ Relief Fund is what is keeping James from getting to the roof before him.

Just two days ago, during Matt, Foggy and Karen’s lunch break during the trial, the wind had picked up and sent huge flying pieces of debris all over Midtown as a giant metal donut—Foggy’s use of descriptive words always has astounded Matt—hovered above the city.

Thankfully, the dangerous alien visitors, as the local news called them, hadn’t caused any lasting damage. There were no civilian casualties after the attack in Midtown, however there were a lot of injuries, some more serious than others and some even close to being life threatening, as well as thousands of dollars of property damage done to the city.

As the attack was going down, a live news broadcast was filming, and so the trial was put on pause that afternoon.

When the cameramen were caught in the crossfire of some of the debris flying at them, a civilian had managed to capture and send a video of the scene right before the Avengers arrived to take care of the alien problem. The video was shaky and blurry according to Karen, but Matt could hear in the background the sound of Tony Stark yelling at the alien creatures, calling one of them Squidward from the popular cartoon on Nickelodeon. Foggy described the aliens to be giant, ugly, scaly looking creatures, like something from a horror film about the impact of radiation being dumped into local fishing rivers and the consequence of radioactive fish coming out looking like Godzilla on crack—again, Foggy’s words, not Matt’s—and attacking the locals.

But that was two days ago, and though James told Matt he was in Midtown when it happened, he’s already assured him that he was fine.

 

It’s only a few short minutes later when Matt’s taken out of his head by the sound of James coming up the rusted ladder on the side of the building.

“Hey.” James says once he’s on top of the roof. “Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s alright.” Matt says. “I assumed I’d be the one late since I got out of the office later than usual.”

Matt hears James chuckle under his breath before he sets down his backpack on the ground. It’s a nice sound, Matt’s noticed, how deep and happy James’ laugh is. It makes him want to laugh along.

James sits down beside Matt on the ledge. Matt can hear James’ heart beat picking up beside him. Matt can sense, that by James’ movements he’s looking down at the streets below them, causing his heart to beat faster. His skin smells salty as he begins to sweat despite the cold, and his breathing shallows slightly, as he holds in the panic forming in his throat.

Aware of James’ fear of heights, Matt places his gloved hand on top of James’ own gloved hand, gently squeezing it as a reassurance. He won’t let James fall.

Matt can smell the metal of the gears working in James’ arm as he relaxes under Matt’s touch. Matt can hear them turning as well, only slightly, as the metallic plates rotate like actual muscles do in someone’s arm.

Stark brand prosthetics are phenomenal.

And though James hasn’t actually told Matt about his prosthetic, Matt won’t go fishing for answers. He makes no attempt to bring it up and neither does James, he sometimes purposely sits with his right side to Matt, but tonight, he’s chosen not to.

James’ heart rate settles down and he intertwines their hands together. Matt smiles and let’s James lean on his shoulder.

As they sit in silence, Matt can hear the all too familiar sound of bone stitching itself back together. The sound is coming from James’ right collarbone.

Matt focuses his hearing on James, his collarbones is healing itself rapidly, the fracture reattaching itself to heal and the muscle inflaming to help along with the healing process.

“Are you hurt?” Matt asks, glancing at James.

“Hm?”

“I uh, can hear your bones healing, you weren’t hurt last week when we met up, did you get hurt from the flying donut aliens?”

James’ goes from confused to practically dying of laughter in a few short seconds. His shoulders shake and he covers his mouth with his right hand as he laughs, not once wincing from pain like a broken collarbone should have made him do.

“Sorry, sorry.” James says as he catches his breath. “But flying donut aliens? Is that what you saw on the news? Is that what they’re calling them?”

“Uh, sort of? My friend calls them that actually.”

“Your friend sounds like he’s got an amazing sense of humor.” James chuckles again.

It’s Matt’s turn to laugh now.

“Yeah, you got that right.”

“But to answer your question, no I’m not hurt or anything, it’s just a sprain or something, not sure really.” James says. Matt can tell that the statement isn’t the whole truth, but doesn’t call James out on it because then he asks, “Can you really hear my bone heal?”

“Yes, I can hear them.” Matt tells him.

“That’s kind of gross, does that mean you can hear yourself heal when you get hurt? Can you hear yourself digest? Can you hear me digest?”

The wonder in James’ tone is kind of adorable and so Matt answers his questions with a quick “yes.”

“That’s so cool.” James exclaims. “I know you’ve said you can hear really well and that you can sense lying…is the great hearing a part of your abilities?”

“Yeah, my hearing is a part of my abilities.” Matt says. “The first time we came up here and I listed some of the things I could hear, I can hear a lot more than that.”

“Doesn’t it ever hurt? Like sensory overload or something like that?” James asks.

This isn’t the first time someone’s asked him if he experiences sensory overload from his powers but it’s nice to know that James cares about him to ask about it for his wellbeing.

“Sometimes it can be overwhelming, especially when I first got my abilities.” Matt shares. “But I learned to deal with it, push past the overload when it happens. Sometimes I focus on a simple sound I like to get me through the process.”

“Interesting.” James says.

“It’s never too bad…it’s worse when my powers shut off completely.”

“That’s happened before?” James asks, worry in his tone.

“Yeah, a few times, it’s annoying and a little painful too.”

James doesn’t say anything just throws his arms around Matt’s torso and gives him a small squeeze.

“I’m sorry, that must suck…but I’m glad you’ve learned to deal with it.”

“Thank you.”

James removes his arms from around his torso shortly after. He uses his ungloved hand to pinch at his gloved hand, and Matt wonders if James is going to say something about his arm.

“Does smell appear on that list of abilities you’ve got yourself?” James asks.

“Yeah, it does.”

“So, can you smell my—”

“Your arm? Yeah, I can hear it too.”

“Huh…” James mutters.

Matt wonders if he shouldn’t have said anything but then James moves his hands and he pulls off his glove and then stuffs it into his coat pocket.

“Its Stark made, so it’s pretty cool ya know? Like expensive material and all that jazz.”

“Yeah, is it true that he paid in full the prosthetics for Veterans and for kids?”

“Very true, Tony Stark is a generous man.”

Matt snorts at that statement.

“If you’d said that to me a decade ago, I would have disagreed and argued with that statement entirely.”

“Yeah, he’s a little eccentric, but he’s a good guy.”

Matt can hear the sincerity in James’ tone, like he’s speaking from experience.

Matt doesn’t ask if James knows Tony Stark personally nor does he ask him if he got the prosthetic from Tony Stark because he’s a Veteran.

 

The night continues slowly, and Matt is glad that tonight is a quiet. He’s missed James a lot and he’s happy to just have this time to sit next to him and hold his hand.

James shifts slightly, and then turns towards Matt again.

“Earlier, when you said a decade ago, you’d disagree with Tony Stark being a good guy, does that mean you believe that people are capable of change?”

Matt is a little caught off guard by the question, but it is after midnight now and late-night conversations are often heavy to begin with.

“It honestly depends on the person, what horrible things they’ve done in the past, and what they’re doing in the present to prove that they’re capable of change.” Matt answers truthfully. “The priest at my church says a lot of people are capable of change, and that many people should be given chances to prove themselves so that the people they know are able to forgive them and move on for their own health.”

“And do you agree with him?”

“Not entirely. But I guess he has a point…I held a grudge for a long time against a corrupt man and I nearly lost myself and my morals when I went to take him down.”

“How so?”

Matt swallows.

“If you don’t want to answer it’s okay. I know the question is…deep.”

“No, it’s okay. I wanted to kill him but thankfully I was stopped, my friends were able to remind me of who I really am before I did something I’d regret.”

“So, you don’t kill people? Even if they’re guilty?”

“It’s not my place to play judge, jury, and executioner.”

James makes a low humming sound at Matt’s admission.

“Thank you for telling me that about yourself Devil.” James says.

Matt nods.

He then moves his hands and undoes the Velcro of his glove, pulling the red leather off his hand and places it on the side beside him.

Matt reaches his hand out and takes a hold of James’ metal hand, holding it tight in his grasp.

“Thank you for telling me about this James.”

James takes in a shaky breath and nods. He takes back his hand and cups Matt’s cheek with it. The cold metal almost burns his cheek, but he doesn’t mind at all.

James then pulls him in for a sweet and chaste kiss on the lips.

Matt deepens the kiss, throwing his arms around James’ shoulder, kissing him like his life depends on it.

When they part, Matt can feel the heat on James’ cheeks.

“I missed you this week.” Matt admits shamelessly.

“I missed you too.” James responds.

They sit back on the ledge and James looks up at the sky, breathing leveled and heart beat fluttering slowly from the kiss.

Matt’s happy to share in this moment with James.

 

Matt doesn’t realize he’s fallen asleep until he wakes up.

James somehow managed to move himself and Matt onto the roof, away from the ledge, and now they’re both nestled underneath a heavy blanket covered in the light snow that fell during the night while they were sleeping.

Matt stretches and turns his head over at James’ sleeping figure. Soft snores come from James’ lips and his chest rises and falls with each breath.

It’s incredibly calming to say the least.

The sun slowly climbs higher into the sky and Matt can hear Foggy and Karen coming up the stairs in the building onto the roof. How they manage to get up here without a key is beyond him. Matt sort of regrets telling them that this is the roof he likes to be on when he’s in the costume.

Foggy and Karen open the door and then quietly walk towards Matt.

“Claire came by, said she needs help with a case.” Foggy says quietly.

“What’s happened?” Matt asks, getting up slowly.

“She didn’t give us the details, only said it was urgent.”

Matt nods and turns to prod James awake so he can tell him he’s got to go.

“Babe, wake up.”

Matt can hear Foggy chuckle behind him but doesn’t say anything about it.

“Five more minutes Clint, we can blow up food in the microwave later.” James says sleepily, his hand stretches out so he can wave Matt away.

Matt can’t help but smile at how cute James is while sleeping.

“I don’t know who Clint is, but I hope you’re not replacing me.” Matt jokes.

James suddenly sits up quickly and he looks around in a short panic before his eyes catch up with him.

He groans and rubs his eyes with his hands and then playfully shoves Mat in annoyance.

“You’re so fucking lucky I didn’t punch you in the fucking face.” James hisses.

Matt has no issue believing that James would have punched him if he were closer. But thankfully he wasn’t.

Matt clears his throat as James gets up and gestures behind him.

“We’ve got company.” He says.

James whips his head around and deflates, waving shyly at both Karen and Foggy with his right hand while his ungloved left-hand stays hidden behind his back.

“Guess you gotta get to your normal person stuff then huh?” James says to him with a yawn.

“Yeah.” Matt replies. “Unexpected work thing.” He tells him.

James just nods and begins to gather up some of his things.

“I’ll get out of your hair then.”

“No need to rush James, you can walk with us back to…um…Daredevil’s place.” Karen says sweetly.

James freezes for a second before politely declining her offer.

“I’ll be seeing you tonight though, should you finish work on time that is.” James says to him.

“Alright, I’ll see you tonight, same time, and same place.” Matt says with a grin.

James grabs a hold of Matt’s hand, pulling him in for a hug.

They linger for a bit, ignoring their audience, and then James pulls away but before he can go back to packing up his things, Matt pulls James in for a quick kiss. He can’t stall any longer after that.

“Tonight.” Matt says pulling away from the kiss.

“Tonight.” James says, giving him one last peck on the lips before he steps away to finish packing.

Matt steps away, waves his goodbye and then begins his descend down the rusted metal ladder on the side of the building while Foggy and Karen take the stairs.

Matt just hopes he can help Claire with her situation before tonight so he can see James again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy it's been a little while huh? Sorry about that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I also hope you liked my subtle but less disastrous AIW reference. 
> 
> Also, also I've caught up to the Netflix shows so beware there might be some actual Daredevil Season 3 spoilers thrown around in this story. BTW I'm so pissed they killed off the priest like WTF was that? Also, wow, I'm upset that it was canceled but we all know it's only cause Disney is taking all their stuff down from Netflix to move over to their new streaming platform whenever the hell that's gonna happen. 
> 
> And I'm so hyped for Punisher Season 2!!! 
> 
> So yeah, thank you for reading! I hope you don't mind the slow updates. I rewrote this chapter like three times until I was satisfied with it. On top of that I had finals, Christmas, house hunting, post-holidays depression, and another ship I was writing for on my plate before I finally got to updating WDWTD.


	20. Anyone Else

Bucky bounces his left leg up and down, causing the table to shake a bit. He wrings his hands together and taps his other foot as he waits for Steve to come into the kitchen. After meeting up with Daredevil last night and after having some pretty deep conversations with him, Bucky’s gained the slight confidence he needs in order to talk to Steve. He won’t tell him everything since he really doesn’t have all the details himself. But he’ll disclose all he can to Steve in hopes it keeps their frayed friendship intact.

Maybe it’ll even begin to start mending it a bit.

Steve enters the kitchen with Tony in tow, Steve’s wearing nothing but American flag printed boxers—which are most likely a gift from Clint—and an MIT t-shirt, faded red with grease stains on it. The shirt is so worn out and stretched out after years of wear and tear that Tony’s medium-sized shirt now fits Steve, even if it’s a little snug around his chest. Tony is wearing light grey sweats with an oversized blue t-shirt with Steve’s shield printed on it with acrylic paint stains in various colors decorating the lower half of the shirt.

Their hair is wet from their morning shower and the couple likely swapped shirts after whatever quickie they had in their bathroom before coming into the kitchen.

Bucky wonders if he’ll ever get to that point with Devil. Though he’s not sure how well he can rock the red spandex if they ever do swap clothes.

Steve and Tony notice Bucky immediately and Bucky stands up, swallows down the nerves eating away at his throat and hopes he can get out what he needs to get out.

“Can we talk for a bit, Steve?” He asks.

“Sure Buck.” Steve says, looking a little surprised and yet relieved at the same time, like he was expecting Bucky to want to talk to him.

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Tony says making a beeline for the coffee maker, stealing the full pot from the machine, and then taking it into the living room.

Bucky and Steve are left just standing there in the kitchen and Bucky’s legs want to take off in a sprint towards the elevator. But instead, he sits back down at the table and gestures to the seat available in front of him.

Steve sits down and gives Bucky an encouraging smile, offering him the chance to speak first.

“I have some things I want to talk to you about.” Bucky starts, running his hand through his hair, moving the loose strands back behind his left ear.

Steve doesn’t say anything though, which in hindsight is an improvement. Steve’s been doing his own therapy lately where he’s learning to wait and listen first before speaking and acting.

“First thing is…” Bucky takes a deep breath and then lets out a low chuckle. “I’m gay and I’ve just sort of come to terms with that so yeah…there’s that.”

Steve’s face breaks out a grin.

“That’s awesome Bucky, you know I support you 3000%, right? I mean it would be sort of hypocritical of me not to given that I’m—”

“In love with and marrying a man?”

“Bisexual, but that works too.” Steve says.

“It was never a matter of you not accepting it Stevie.” Bucky says. “It’s just I hadn’t accepted it myself and also I didn’t want to disappoint you any further…”

Steve’s smile from earlier falls and he tilts his head in confusion, and yet he wonders why people compare him to a golden retriever puppy.

“I don’t understand, disappoint me how? By being yourself?”

“By not being the me I was in the ’40s.” Bucky says. “I just know you think of me as a certain person but I’m not that person anymore…”

“I know that Buck.” Steve says. “You think I’m the same person from the ’40s?”

“I wouldn’t know, memory loss, remember?” Bucky says, a tiny grin flashing Steve’s way.

Steve just snorts and shakes his head.

“You see, that smug smartass attitude right there? No amount of memory loss can take that away from you Bucky, that’s all you, then and now.”

“But they tried to take it from me.”

“And they failed didn’t they? I mean, you’re here aren’t you?”

Bucky has to give it to Steve, he’s not wrong, but he’s still not 100% right either. But he also has a point. Bucky is here, in New York in 2019 and he’s getting better and he’s no longer trapped with Hydra or living in the past.

He’s alive and healthy and living his damn life which says a lot given how his situation was a couple of years ago.

“You said there were some other things you wanted to talk about Buck?”

Bucky nods. He’s gotten this far; he can run the rest of the marathon no problem.

“Yeah, uh, it’s about my walks.” He says.

Steve tenses up a bit, nodding along and waiting for Bucky to continue.

“And they kind of tie in with me coming out…”

“You’ve met someone?” Steve asks, jumping to the obvious conclusion.

“Yeah…but he—he doesn’t know who I am.”

Steve blinks and opens his mouth to speak but no words come out.

“He knows me as James and he somehow doesn’t recognize my face from the few times it’s been plastered on the news. And he just thinks I’m some vet with a prosthetic.”

“Buck…”

Bucky quickly interrupts Steve before he can say anything else.

“And I know what you’re gonna say, Steve, it’s dangerous to get a civilian involved with us and our lifestyle, and how he’s at risk of Hydra because of me, but trust me when I say he can hold his own in a fight.”

Steve bites his lip like he’s forcing himself not to rebuttal.

“I’m also…” Bucky pauses and sighs. “I’m also not ready to have him know anything so no, I won’t be bringing him along to meet everyone…not yet…but the walks, I’m still going to go on them. Actually, that’s how we met, during the walks I sort of just bumped into him, and we hang out a lot at night since he works long days and it’s nice. He’s nice.”

Steve nods and Bucky exhales, happy to get that all out in the open finally.

“And you’re sure it’s safe? Not for him, I mean, but for you.”

Bucky already doesn’t like what Steve’s insinuating with that comment.

“What do you mean by that?”

“What if he’s some Hydra Agent trying to bring you back?”

“I would think I am smart enough to figure that out on my own already.” Bucky says defensively and folding his arms over his chest.

“I’m not saying you aren’t, but I’m just worried okay. Some stranger I don’t even know is dating my best friend, I’m allowed to be worried.”

Bucky snorts in disbelief.

“Sounds a little less worried and a little more like overprotective if you ask me.”

“I’d like to think I’m allowed to be protective over you.”

“Allowed to be protective? What am I to you, Steve? Some child who doesn’t know any better? I’m not some naïve kid you have to parent!”

“I just want what’s best for you Bucky, I just want you safe.”

“So, what, I’m not safe walking around the city at night with my boyfriend?”

“No, not really.”

“I was the Winter Soldier Steve, I have dozens of confirmed kills, I’m basically the worlds greatest sniper and that was even before Hydra had their hands on me!”

“I’m not saying you’re incompetent Buck!” Steve exclaims, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “I’m just looking out for you.”

“But you can’t trust me to make my own decisions?”

“No that’s not what I’m saying so stop putting words in my mouth.”

“Then what are you saying?” Bucky cries, standing up in a rage. The bottom of the chair scrapes against the tile, making an unpleasant sound that makes Tony flinch from the living room couch, meaning he’s been listening in the whole time.

Which is something Bucky already expected from Tony anyway.

“Then what are you saying?” Bucky demands, staring down Steve.

“I don’t trust the world anymore to be kind to you!”

Bucky blinks.

What does Steve even mean by that?

“The world isn’t kind to anyone.” Bucky points out. But he shouldn’t need to point that little detail out anyway since it’s so obvious.

“But it’s been fucking horrible to you.” Steve sighs as he stands up. “And I don’t—no—I can’t see you get hurt again. You’re my best friend Bucky, my family, and if the world keeps throwing broken glass in your path then someone’s gotta be there to pick the pieces up for you.”

“I can take care of myself, Steve.”

“But you don’t have to.” Steve retorts.

“But I want to, I need to be able to do things for myself, after having spent so long under the control of others.”

“Why can’t you just let me do this for you Bucky?”

“Because you don’t have to! You did your part taking care of me when I first came here, you don’t have to take care of me anymore!”

Steve huffs, obviously not agreeing with Bucky, which just pisses Bucky off more.

Steve can be far too stubborn for his own good and his sense of righteousness often blinds his logic as he smothers his loved ones with what he believes is right for them and doesn’t allow for them to do what they think is right for themselves.

And with that Bucky storms off, not wanting to deal with Steve anymore. He said his piece, he’s done here.

“Where the hell are you going?” Steve calls after him.

“To the gym! I need to shoot some shit before I punch you in the fucking face Rogers!” Bucky shouts as he enters the elevator.

 

~*~*~

 

With the previous night being a quiet night, Matt needs to get in some boxing practice sometime today, so at around mid-morning he decides to go to Fogwell’s to blow off some steam.

It’s never usually crowded in Fogwell’s, sometimes there are some loyal fans, regulars coming to the gym for quite some time, and retired boxers just chatting in the locker rooms, a couple of teenagers with their coach in the room where the memorabilia is from previous fights some boxers have won where they all keep their medals, belts, and trophies behind thick glass casing. And then there’s the handful of people actually in the ring practicing or using the punching bags. But usually, people who actually come to Fogwell’s Gym to use it as a gym is pretty rare.

Today, there are no older former boxers chatting in the locker rooms or up and coming boxers with their coach in the trophy room. It’s just Matt and some guy working his way through some punching bags.

Matt listens to the man breathe with ease as he punches the bag bare-fisted. The guy is barely sweating, and his heart rate is steady for someone working out as hard as he is. He’s actually punching the bag with so much force that Matt wonders if the guy is enhanced. The guy has skill and Matt’s so distracted listening in on this other guy working out to focus on his own punching bag.

The guy’s fists then start to move faster, and he punches the bag with a purpose. His scent is angry and frustrated, and his pace quickens as the bitter stench fills Matt’s senses. He then hears the metal holding the bag on the hook snap and the bag flies across the room, landing with such a loud thud Matt’s almost certain the guy could have put a dent in the floor.

“Dammit.” The guy says, his chest heaving. Whatever he was thinking about as he was going at the punching bag had been clearly upsetting him and that hurt caused the guy to punch the bag so hard it flew off the hook.

“You okay man?” Matt calls out, not minding to make casual conversation with the troubled man. “That’s the first time I’ve heard someone knock a bag off the hook and I’ve been coming here since I was a kid.” Matt chuckles. “Is this the first time you’ve been to Fogwell’s?”

Matt can sense the guy shrugging.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” He says with a heavy sigh. “Just needed to get some fresh air and work out some things after a heavy argument I had this morning.”

The guy goes to pick up another bag to put on another hook, one a little closer to Matt so they can keep talking.

“The place I usually go to was a little crowded.” He adds bitterly, squaring his shoulders and getting ready to go at the next punching bag in front of him.

Matt wonders what type of argument the guy could have had to make him so angry, but he’s not curious enough to ask anyway.

“Fogwell’s is nice, you’ll like it here, it’s an everybody knows everybody kind of place.” Matt tells the guy after throwing a few punches at his own punching bag. He’s already lost count of his reps but he doesn’t mind. This isn’t a serious workout kind of day anyway. “But the owner, he’s a little particular, he doesn’t usually let in strangers out of the blue like this. I wonder why he decided you were worthy of his trust.”

“Well let’s just say that thing sort of happens when you’ve got a face everybody knows.”

Matt hums in understanding and though he wonders as to who this guy is since he can’t exactly identify him based on looks. Either way, he doesn’t pry.

“And I’m a little surprised you haven’t said anything actually.” The guy adds, his punches heavy but not so much he’ll break another hook again. Matt just hopes the guy will help pay for the hook he broke. If not, he’ll have to have a few words with the guy.

Matt snorts though at the guy’s comment. Whoever he is, he must be certainly famous enough to get Fogwell’s attention to let him in his gym and yet, Matt doesn’t have a clue who he is since he can’t recognize the voice from any media. The guy’s famous though and probably doesn’t particularly like it which is why he’s surprised this one time when he thought he’d be recognized he isn’t.

But it isn’t Matt’s fault all he can ’see’ is a tall mass of flames punching another mass of flames.

“You’re in luck buddy, not everyone is graced with the sense of sight you know.” He says, pausing and moving so that his eyes are facing the guy, looking at him like he could see him.

“You’re blind?” The guy asks. He’s a little flustered, most likely for assuming Matt could see, but he gets that when he’s not wearing his usual ‘blind’ getup. He doesn’t wear the glasses when he works out anyway, they just get in the way and often get broken if he’s not careful.  

“Been that way most my life.” Matt tells him, punching his bag a little harder than earlier. Even when he’s in a good mood, talking about the blind thing often upsets him. How can it not?

“If it’s any consolation, I’m red-green color blind.” The guy says, lowering his hands to his sides and moving his body to face Matt.

“Yeah, guess it is…thanks.” Matt chuckles.

Matt and the guy don’t talk for the rest of their workout and then the guy leaves around noon, saying goodbye to Matt and thanking him for the warm welcome to Fogwell’s.

Matt decides to head back to his apartment a little afternoon since he’s gotten his workout done for the day. Matt also decides that he’ll call up Foggy and Karen to hang out later this evening before he goes out to meet up with James tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kyle Schwartz voice* I'm back!
> 
> BTW this is endgame spoiler free since this fic is set in a multiverse where these bitches actually COMMUNICATE (for the most part lmao).
> 
> So the last of this chapter was inspired by a gifset I found on Tumblr, credit goes to spectralarchers.tumblr.com for this gifset
> 
> [here](https://spectralarchers.tumblr.com/post/120626843792)
> 
> Also life update: my dad situation is still shit, but like I'm on anti-depressants now and I feel so much better about life and living, it's fucking amazing! And now that it's summer I got some more writing time so I'll be beep bopping around here for the next three months! 
> 
> I'm even participating in the winterhawk rbb and I've never done a bang before so I'm super excited!
> 
> Hope yall enjoyed this chapter! I tried super hard to make the wait worth it lol. Also, did you catch any of my weird references in here lol?


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